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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26318479">The World, So Close</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchofEndor/pseuds/WitchofEndor'>WitchofEndor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Based On Rapunzel?, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Fire Hazard Siblings, Gen, M/M, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ursa (Avatar) Being A Terrible Parent, Zuko Joins The Gaang Early (Avatar), Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:35:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,648</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26318479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchofEndor/pseuds/WitchofEndor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Aang is helpful to his very bones, which is why he drags his friends on a quest to find the source of the strange sounds that the villagers claim originate deep in the forest. While they aren't expecting anything specific, they're definitely not expecting to find a tower with no visible doors. </p><p>-</p><p>Featuring: Zuko’s confused relationship with the concept of freedom, Azula’s confused relationship with the concept of destiny, Aang being painfully helpful, Toph being painfully Toph, Katara being concerned, and Sokka’s crush being visible from outer space.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azula &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang &amp; Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>385</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>A:tla, zuko fic</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Don't Forget It (You'll Regret It)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this was sort of born from the fact that I realised that I wrote a fic with Ursa being a good parent (Life in Eden), then a fic with Ursa being an ambiguous parent (where the stars do not take sides). So here is a story with Ursa being a terrible parent! </p><p>I also made a joke in a fic about Zuko being like a fairytale princess, so... uh, I'm sorry? The titles are all based on Tangled songs because I think I'm hilarious. The plot is not particularly related to Rapunzel or Tangled, except the prince(ss)-in-a-tower part. </p><p>Also! I have learnt from last time to not put down a chapter count yet. I expect this will be around 6-10 chapters, but only a fool would trust me at this point. </p><p>Warnings: Child abuse (both canon-typical and non-canon-typical), child neglect, non-consensual drug usage, self-harm as directed by an abuser, momentary suicidal ideation, mental breakdown of a minor character, PTSD, descriptions of agoraphobia, descriptions of panic attacks, Azula being Azula, character death (not of main characters). If you have more specific questions about the warnings, please do ask.</p><p>(Looking at that list of warnings and thinking: you know, a fairytale AU!)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A royal child is born on the winter solstice.</p><p>It is a bad omen, say the Fire Sages, for a child of the blood to be born on the darkest day of the year. It means a withdrawal of Agni’s blessing. It might even foretell betrayal and treason. </p><p>Quietly, the royal family insists that the child was born before midnight on the previous day. The royal birthday is celebrated a day early every year. But the Fire Lord and his second son never forget that Agni’s blessing is not bestowed upon this son. And likewise, the boy’s mother never forgets that there is a threat looming over her firstborn child. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>A royal child is born on the summer solstice. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sokka is determined to get to the North Pole. Aang, apparently, is determined to take them off-track with any possible distraction. Sokka stops sighing quite so pointedly by their third diversion, but he’s starting to accept that this is what travelling with the kid is going to be like.</p><p>When Aang hears about how the villagers have tales about mysterious sounds that they sometimes hear in the forest, Aang obviously volunteers the three of them for what might be hunting down a monster, and Sokka and Katara are hardly even surprised anymore. And so yes, Sokka sighs, but it isn’t quite as pointed as before. </p><p>They walk around for an hour before returning to Appa to survey the forest from above. The woods are dark and deep, and they didn’t hear anything unusual on their brief stroll, but Sokka figures that if it’s some big forest monster (please don’t be another big forest monster), they’re more likely to see it from above than coincidentally run into it. </p><p>They don’t find a forest monster, thank the spirits. But they do find a small clearing and a very tall tower.</p><p>Appa lands at the base of the tower, and Sokka starts circling it to find a door. </p><p>“You want to knock on the tower?” Katara asks, doubtfully.</p><p>“Hey, if someone’s here, maybe they know about the weird noises!” Aang agrees, walking in the opposite direction to Sokka.</p><p>(Sokka starts to feel a little nervous, because it seems like Aang and Katara aren’t considering the other option: that whatever is in this tower <em> is </em> the source of the mysterious sounds.)</p><p>Sokka isn’t too worried when he crosses paths with Aang - after all, attention to detail is not exactly Aang’s strong suit - but then Sokka finds himself back with Appa and Katara. </p><p>“Does this place not have a door?” he asks, confused, looking upwards. </p><p>Aang gasps. “There’s a window at the top!” he exclaims, pointing. “Why would there be a window at the top but no door?” When neither Sokka nor Katara seem able to find the answer quickly enough, Aang jumps up with his glider and shouts: “Airbenders!”</p><p>Sokka watches him make his way upwards, and then looks to Katara and shrugs. “It’s not a bad guess,” he admits. “I was thinking ‘really tall ladder’.” </p><p>He’s looking away, so he doesn’t immediately see what makes Aang yelp. But when Sokka looks up, he sees a spurt of fire flash out of the open window, and no Aang. </p><p>“That… doesn’t look like an airbender to me,” Katara says, and then flings herself onto Appa. Sokka follows. “Appa, yip yip!” </p><p>Sokka isn’t sure what he’s expecting to find when he tumbles through the opening at the top of the tower, but it’s not… this.</p><p>Aang is still by the window, glider dropped to the floor, both hands up in a pacifying gesture. And over by the opposite wall, wide-eyed and clearly terrified, is a teenaged boy. </p><p>A boy with two swirls of fire circling him. Sokka has seen kind of a lot of firebending nowadays (way, way too much firebending), but he’s never seen anything like this.</p><p>“Hey hey, it’s okay,” Aang says, voice quiet like the boy is a wild animal. Honestly, while the kid looks fairly put-together, he does have the facial expression of a spooked ostrich horse. </p><p>Katara has dropped into the room, and is also holding her hands up. Sokka makes the tactical decision to stay in the window itself, ready to drag Aang and Katara back onto Appa if this gets a little too flame-y for his liking. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Aang continues, still gentle, “I didn’t realise this was someone’s home.”</p><p>The boy swallows, and his eyes are as wide as saucers, but the fire encircling him slows a little. He opens his mouth, and then closes it again. Sokka thinks he looks like he might be on the verge of a panic attack. </p><p>“I’m Aang,” Aang says cheerfully, grinning at the boy like he isn’t actively threatening them with fire. “I’m an airbender! I thought maybe you were an airbender too, since we couldn’t find a door. But unless you’re also the Avatar, I guess not!”</p><p>“... There’s a door,” the boy says, and his voice is a little rough. </p><p>“Uh, where?” Sokka asks. “It must be pretty well-hidden, because we couldn’t find anything.”</p><p>The boy looks to Sokka then, and the sunlight slanting in the window catches his eyes. The boy’s eyes are liquid gold - a colour that Sokka knows to associate with the Fire Nation and has never, not once in his life, thought to associate with beauty. Until, unfortunately, right at this moment. </p><p>The boy blinks hard, and then shrugs. “I don’t know,” he admits. “But somewhere.” </p><p>“That’s Sokka!” Aang introduces him. He doesn’t seem nervous about the firebending at all anymore, and Sokka watches as the fire thins again, until it’s basically just two strands of yellow-gold, and then it’s gone entirely. “And this is Katara. They’re my friends.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t be here,” the boy says. “There are-- Nobody’s supposed to be here. There are monsters in the forest, you could--” </p><p>He looks past Sokka then, presumably toward the forest, but his eyes catch on Appa instead. </p><p>“And that’s Appa!” Aang introduces. “He’s my friend, too.” </p><p>“That’s…” the boy starts, and then shakes his head. “That’s not possible.”</p><p>And suddenly he’s moving. Sokka flinches back because, hello, <em> firebender, </em> but the boy isn’t heading in Sokka’s direction. He’s running across the tower to the tallest set of bookshelves that Sokka has ever seen, and then the kid <em> flings himself at the shelves </em> to climb up. He grabs a green book and jumps down, and then flicks through for a moment while the three intruders stare in confusion. </p><p>The boy turns the book around and shoves it at Aang. “A flying bison,” he declares, voice urgent now. “But my book says that they’re extinct.”</p><p>Aang takes the book from him and turns the page. “This is so cool! Is it a book of animals?” he asks. </p><p>“How can you have a flying bison?” the firebender asks, urgent and serious. “And-- And you said you’re an airbender, but they’re extinct, too.” He looks back to the bookshelves, frowning, like he’s trying to figure out which book would prove him correct on that front.</p><p>“Aang is the last airbender,” Katara explains, her voice gentle. “And Appa is the last flying bison.” </p><p>“Oh,” the boy replies. He looks back to the three of them again, eyes flitting over them all, and then he shakes his head. “You can’t be here, though. This isn’t-- You have to go.”</p><p>Sokka finally jumps in from the window ledge and dusts off his hands. The kid is weird, he decides, but he isn’t trouble. </p><p>Katara, it seems, does not agree. When Sokka looks to her, her mouth and brow are both pinched in that look she gets when something is deeply wrong with the world.</p><p>“What’s your name?” Katara asks. </p><p>The boy looks to the window again, beyond Appa to the forest. His hands are trembling, Sokka notices. “Zuko,” he says.</p><p>“What are you so worried about, Zuko?” Katara asks. She takes a step towards the boy, who promptly takes a step backwards. </p><p>“People aren’t supposed to be up here,” Zuko says, stiffly. His eyes dart from Katara to the window and back. “You should go.” </p><p>“Okay,” Katara replies, nodding. “We will, sure. But maybe we could give you a lift down?”</p><p>There’s a long stretch of silence. Sokka is starting to follow Katara’s thread of thought. Zuko knows that there’s a door, but not where it is. Zuko knows that there are no airbenders or flying bison, but only from his collection of books. Zuko is very deliberately avoiding coming close to any of them, but while he’s clearly afraid, his fear seems to be aimed at something that isn’t them. And then there’s the large crescent-moon scar framing his left eye. </p><p>As Sokka starts to really look around at the tower, his suspicions only deepen.</p><p>This is a whole home. There’s a little kitchen area, and a bed up some wooden steps, and--</p><p>And over by the window ledge in which Sokka had been standing just moments ago, there’s a length of chain and some handcuffs. </p><p>Okay. Right. No monster in the forest in the classical sense, but Sokka recognises with slowly dawning horror: aren’t the worst monsters usually people?</p><p>“Down,” the boy eventually says, and he looks dazed with it. Those beautiful golden eyes are looking outside again, and they all watch as he tries to process the offer. Zuko moves toward the window slowly, and then hesitates there. “I… Could you bring me back up afterwards?”</p><p>Now that Zuko is looking away from them, Sokka turns to meet Katara’s eyes. </p><p>Katara looks just as panicked and lost as Sokka does. She mouths <em> what do we do? </em>, and Sokka looks to the Avatar, the bridge between realms, for guidance. </p><p>Aang seems to be just noticing the chains on the wall.</p><p>Zuko turns back, frowning.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, buddy,” Sokka says. “We can take you wherever you want. Where are you from? You’re obviously Fire Nation, not from the Earth Kingdom.”</p><p>Zuko’s frown deepens. “I’m from here,” he says, gesturing to the tower. And oh spirits, that is so not the right answer at all. </p><p>“Did you… grow up in this tower?” Sokka asks, aiming for casual and missing it by a mile. He didn’t even realise that his voice could get to this pitch. </p><p>Luckily, Zuko doesn’t seem to notice that anything is wrong. But also, very unfortunately, Zuko doesn’t seem to realise that there’s anything for Sokka to be minorly freaking out about.</p><p>“Yeah,” Zuko replies, and then looks back out of the window again. “But I’ve always wanted to know what the grass feels like.”</p><p>Sokka is definitely freaking out. He meets Katara’s eyes again and tries his best to communicate <em> yes, we are kidnapping this kid </em>without words. It’s not something that they’ve ever had to communicate silently before, but Sokka thinks that they’re on the same page.</p><p>“Okay,” Zuko says, and nods decisively. “Okay. I’ll go down with you. As long as you swear that you’ll bring me back up.”</p><p>“We won’t trap you or anything,” Aang insists, and then visibly winces. While part of Sokka wants to throw something at him for the wording, it doesn’t seem like Zuko is too bothered. </p><p>So all they need to do is convince this kid that he doesn’t want to be taken back to his prison. That shouldn’t be so difficult, Sokka decides. </p><p>Aang clambers out of the window onto Appa, and Katara smiles kindly at Zuko before following. Sokka goes next, and then turns and holds a hand out for Zuko.</p><p>Zuko swallows, looking at Appa’s saddle and then down and down and down to the ground.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Sokka insists, hand still extended. “I won’t let you fall.”</p><p>Zuko meets his eyes, and then a determined expression falls over his features. He grasps Sokka’s hand and all but launches himself onto Appa. He’s surprisingly graceful about it, but he doesn’t let go of his death grip on Sokka’s hand. </p><p>And then Appa starts to descend, and Sokka feels like he’s watching a whole play just on Zuko’s face. </p><p>Zuko goes from amazed and slack-jawed to terrified to wondrous and back again, like he can’t quite figure out what he’s supposed to be feeling but it’s definitely too much. Sokka doesn’t look away for a moment of it. The sunlight is bright, and Zuko is so pale that he could be made of porcelain or well-packed ice, but his skin looks soft and his expression is ever-changing. </p><p>He might be the most beautiful thing that Sokka has ever seen. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The grass is so close, and Zuko feels like he might burst, and he isn’t sure if it’s a good or bad feeling.</p><p>When the sky bison (sky bison!) lands, Zuko finds himself unable to keep his eyes open. He squeezes them shut. Maybe he’s dreaming. Maybe this isn’t real at all. </p><p>(Zuko doesn’t know if he wants to be dreaming or not.)</p><p>After several moments, the hand that he’s clinging to - warm, alien-feeling, but also comforting - tightens to get his attention.</p><p>Zuko swallows down panic, and breathes deeply, and then opens his eyes and looks at Sokka. It’s safer than looking elsewhere, even if Sokka is a whole other person. He’s living and breathing, and somehow smiling and frowning at the same time, which is complicated and Zuko doesn’t know what to do with it.</p><p>Sokka’s eyes are not quite the same colour as the sky. Zuko can’t figure out exactly what the difference is. But surely this is enough for Zuko to be overwhelmed by, without needing to take in anything else.</p><p>Eventually, Katara clears her throat. She sounds like she’s trying not to laugh, presumably at Zuko, who is presumably acting strangely in some way that Zuko can’t pinpoint because he has no basis for what is normal to them. </p><p>“You have really nice eyes,” he tells Sokka, because it’s true and he doesn’t see a reason not to say it. Sokka goes immediately red. Zuko guesses there was a reason not to say it after all.</p><p>“Um. Thank you,” Sokka replies, and now Katara is definitely laughing. “I like your eyes, too.” </p><p>“Hey! Aren’t you guys going to get down?” Aang asks. </p><p>Down. Down to the grass. </p><p>Zuko finally pulls his gaze away from Sokka, but he doesn’t let go, because <em> the grass is right there.  </em></p><p>“Oh,” Zuko says, looking at it. Is it greener up close? </p><p>“Come on,” Sokka says softly. “Let’s go have a look at that grass, huh?”</p><p>Sokka lets go of him to hop down from the bison, but then he holds a hand up toward Zuko.</p><p>Well. There’s the world, Zuko thinks; you’ve been looking for it forever now. You’ve climbed out of that window and tried to scale the tower for it. And it’s right there.</p><p>Zuko pushes his terror away, scowls, and jumps down from the bison.</p><p>His bare feet hit the grass. </p><p>It’s <em> soft.  </em></p><p>Zuko falls to his knees. </p><p>He breathes deeply, and it smells different down here. He can smell the grass. There’s a breeze picking up, and it touches him from multiple angles, and the rustling of the leaves is far above his head. </p><p>Zuko opens his eyes and runs his fingers through the grass. It parts for him, tickles against his palm. </p><p>“You okay there?” Sokka asks from behind him. </p><p>Zuko knows what the grass smells like now. He knows what the ground feels like under his feet and his fingers. He knows that Sokka’s eyes aren’t quite the same colour as the sky, but they’re still clear and bright and blue.</p><p>How could he ever go back?</p><p>Zuko springs to his feet, filled with sudden energy, and runs for the nearest tree. </p><p>“Whoa!” Aang yelps as he passes.</p><p>Zuko stretches out his arms like he’s reaching for the rafters, and he leaps. He grabs a low branch and swings himself up, and then he does it again and again, until he’s looking down at the three strangers - three <em> people </em> - from a totally new angle. </p><p>This is what the bark of a living tree feels like against his palms and the soles of his feet! </p><p>And abruptly, Zuko wants to cry. </p><p>(He has to go back, doesn’t he? He can’t just abandon Mother. Spirits, if she comes back and he isn’t in the tower, what is she going to think?)</p><p>He sits down heavily on the branch and tries to catch his breath, but it’s come loose in his chest.</p><p>(How could he <em> do </em> this to her? Mother has only ever asked him for one thing, and it’s for Zuko’s own good. He must be the worst son in the whole world. Mother deserves a better son than him. How could he do this to her?)</p><p>Aang settles next to him on the branch. </p><p>“Hi, Zuko,” he says, twirling the glider. “Are you okay up here? You seemed happy before.” </p><p>Zuko looks up at the tower. It’s a whole new angle. The whole world is a whole new angle. It makes Zuko feel a little dizzy.</p><p>“I have to go back,” he says, and then swallows. “I’m not supposed to be down here.”</p><p>“Why not?” Aang asks, tilting his head. </p><p>Maybe Mother will get Zuko a book on airbenders if he asks. He has an airbending scroll with his waterbending and earthbending scrolls - they’re much harder to find, Mother says - but he doesn’t really know anything about the Air Nomads except that they’re extinct. </p><p>“It’s not safe,” he explains.</p><p>Aang shrugs. “Yeah, but… nothing is safe, not really?” </p><p>“You don’t understand,” Zuko says, looking at the leaves of the tree they’re sitting in. He knows this kind of leaf; sometimes, they get carried by the breeze to his window. </p><p>“Well you could tell me, then I would understand,” Aang suggests. </p><p>Zuko frowns. “There are monsters,” he explains. “There are monsters after me, specifically.” </p><p>“Oh,” Aang replies. “That sounds scary. But my friends and I have experience with monsters - we’ll keep you safe if you stick with us, promise.” </p><p>Aang grins, and he looks so sure of himself. Zuko feels doubtful, but he looks down to the other two. </p><p>“Katara is a waterbender,” Aang explains. “And Sokka has his boomerang. And I’m an airbender, and you’re a firebender - what monsters would stand a chance?” </p><p>The monsters aren’t the only problem, of course. There’s also Mother, who will be devastated and furious if she finds out what Zuko is doing right now. But Mother also isn’t due to return until much later tonight, and Zuko is already down here, isn’t he? What difference does it make if he doesn’t go back up straight away? </p><p>While Zuko is in the midst of convincing himself to stay down here a little longer, a flutter of feathers and fur catches his eye, and then he is almost knocked from the branch by the sudden weight of a peakitten in his arms.</p><p>“Miso,” Zuko greets her, allowing her to settle before hugging her to his chest. Miso’s claws dig into his shoulders and she flaps her wings again, meowing angrily. “Hi, yes, we’re down here now. Did you go looking for me in the tower?”</p><p>Miso pecks at Zuko’s hair, pulling a section loose from his phoenix tail. </p><p>Aang laughs from next to him and tries to extend a hand to Miso, who responds with a squawk and a valiant attempt at maiming him. Miso flutters off again and perches on a nearby branch to preen through her bright feathers and glare at Aang. </p><p>“Okay,” Zuko says eventually. “I can stay down here for a little while.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They eventually manage to coax Zuko down from the tree. </p><p>Aang is helpful, because he’s helpful by nature and he seems to have internalised that something is deeply wrong here. </p><p>(Sokka is less helpful, because Katara thinks that he might spontaneously develop hearts in his eyes at any moment, but… at least he’s unhelpful in a way that’s kind of funny?)</p><p>Katara isn’t sure if Aang is doing it deliberately, but he slowly convinces Zuko to let them show him the village by the edge of the forest. Zuko looks more than a little dazed by the idea, but he eventually nods and follows them back to Appa. </p><p>Sokka holds Zuko by his forearms as they fly properly, high above the trees. Zuko is laughing, but it’s edged with a note of hysteria. Katara shifts to sit next to Aang at the front of the saddle. </p><p>“He’s never been outside of the tower,” she states, because she needs to say it out loud. </p><p>Aang, who manages to make everything terrible about his own life seem livable and breathable, throws Katara a drawn and worried glance. “Yeah,” he replies. </p><p>“He’s never going back to the tower,” Katara declares. </p><p>Aang nods.</p><p>They land back in the village, and it’s easier to convince Zuko to leave Appa this time. He still falls to his knees and touches the ground, and Katara might have actual nightmares about why he’s so fascinated by the dirt. But he’s also fascinated by the houses, and by the stalls, and by every single person that passes. </p><p>Slowly, Zuko goes from being filled with fascination to looking like he might collapse at any moment. Katara’s entire being is drawn towards fixing this issue.</p><p>“Let’s get something to eat, maybe sit somewhere quiet,” she suggests, leading the boys toward a food stall. This leads to Zuko being fascinated by the coins in her purse, and Katara trying not to cry as she explains how she knows which coins to hand over for their food. </p><p>Katara has them sit in an empty patch of grass by the back of the stalls. They’re close enough to Appa to watch him graze, close enough to the village to hear some semblance of the bustle as they partake in their weekly small market, and far enough away that Katara thinks Zuko might be able to relax. </p><p>“I’ve never seen that bending form before,” Aang points out happily. “The one where your fire was like a rope - it was so cool! Where did you learn it? Do you have a firebending master? I’m looking for a firebending master.”</p><p>Zuko watches Aang until he stops talking, and then hesitates like he’s waiting for his turn to speak. “I don’t have a firebending master,” he explains. “I mostly learned by myself, I think?” </p><p>“I know how that feels,” Katara sympathises. “I’m the only waterbender of my tribe. I’m looking for a master, too.” </p><p>“What do you mean, you think?” Sokka asks, frowning in confusion. </p><p>Zuko frowns right back at him, and then shrugs. “I also have some scrolls,” he explains, looking back to Katara. “But uh, not firebending scrolls, so it’s… a process.” </p><p>Katara sits up straighter. “Do you have waterbending scrolls?”</p><p>“Yeah, a few,” Zuko replies. He pauses again, eyes narrowing, and then asks: “Do you want them?” </p><p>And the thing is: Katara does want them. Her fingers feel like they’re itching for them already. She wants anything she can get, any scrap of understanding of her own power. And they belong to the Water Tribes, not to the Fire Nation or the Earth Kingdom. It would be right for her to take them, to learn from them, wouldn’t it?</p><p>But it would also mean suggesting that they go back to Zuko’s tower. And more than Katara wants those scrolls, she wants Zuko to never go back to that tower. </p><p>Slowly, Katara makes herself relax. “No, it’s okay,” she says. “We’re heading for the North Pole to find a waterbending master for me and Aang, anyway.”</p><p>Zuko blinks. “For both of you?” he asks. “But I thought you were an airbender?” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Aang is excitedly describing what sounds like a grand adventure from a storybook. Zuko already knew that the Avatar has been missing for a hundred years - he has multiple books which reference this - but he honestly assumed that the whole Avatar story was just a myth. But here is Aang, a child who is supposed to put an end to a century of war. </p><p>This group plans to save the word. It’s… a lot. Aren’t they supposed to be with parents? Who is keeping them safe? Zuko wants to ask, but he’s afraid to find out the answer. He’s afraid that they’re all alone in the world. </p><p>They have each other, Zuko supposes. </p><p>(He shifts closer to Sokka, who seems to want to sit close to Zuko. Sokka is warm; Zuko can tell even though they’re not technically touching. His smile is warm, too.)</p><p>But how can they trust one another? The Water Tribe pair are family, but Aang isn’t. Aang doesn’t have any family at all. How does he know who he can trust? </p><p>“And maybe you could teach me firebending!” Aang suggests, breathless at the end of a longwinded explanation. </p><p>Zuko blinks hard, trying to catch up. “I can’t teach you,” he says. “I don’t know how to firebend.” </p><p>“But you could teach me that cool fire rope thing?” </p><p>Zuko shrugs. He’s pretty sure that’s not a real firebending move. “Didn’t you say you need to keep travelling? I’m not sure I know anything well enough to teach it to you right now.” </p><p>Katara tenses. Zuko tenses in response, but Katara just sits up straighter. “Well, Zuko,” she says, her voice very careful around the edges, “we were thinking that maybe you would want to come with us.” </p><p>Zuko goes cold. </p><p>They said they would take Zuko home. Zuko made them promise before he stepped out the window. He made them promise, but they had no intention of taking him back up to the tower, did they? Aang is the Avatar, and he needs to learn firebending, and Zuko is a firebender. </p><p>How had Zuko been so stupid? How had he been so <em> stupid? </em>Mother has warned him so many times that he can’t trust anyone. Why is Zuko such a slow learner?</p><p>“Oh, hey,” Sokka says, shifting to face him. “Are you okay?” </p><p>“It makes sense, doesn’t it?” Katara asks. “We could show you the world. There’s-- There’s a lot more to the world than your tower, Zuko.” </p><p>The edges of Zuko’s vision have gone grey. He tries to take a good breath, but it feels like there’s no room for the air in his lungs. How is he supposed to get back? He’s going to die in the woods trying to find his way home. Mother is going to come back to the tower and Zuko will be gone, and she will be so upset-- </p><p>“Whoa, Zuko, it’s okay,” a voice says near his ear, and somewhere in the back of Zuko’s consciousness, he’s aware that it’s Sokka’s voice. But all Zuko can process is that it’s an unknown voice, that he’s in an unknown place, and the world stretches out <em> so wide </em> from every angle. The world is so big, and Zuko is stuck in it. “Zuko, can you hear me?”</p><p>“You said you’d take me back,” Zuko hears himself say. His lips are numb. “You said…”</p><p>Zuko is going to die out here.</p><p>“Zuko, you don’t have to go back,” Katara says, and she leans forward to touch his wrist. Zuko flinches back, and drops the food she bought for him. It falls to the grass - grass he’d been so excited to see, to touch. How has he been so stupid? How has he spent so many years fantasising about the ground? “You don’t have to be locked away. Don’t you get it?”</p><p><em> You don’t have to go back, </em> he hears, and he understands that it means <em> you have to come with us.  </em></p><p>Zuko folds his arms around himself. They’re going so far away. If he stays here, maybe he can find his way back through the woods - maybe, if he’s really lucky, Mother will think to come looking for him in this village. All he has to do right now is protect himself from these three. </p><p>“Katara,” Aang says, and he sounds quiet now. “I think... he<em> wants </em>to go back.” </p><p>“But,” Katara starts, and when Zuko finds it in himself to look up at her, there are tears in her eyes. “But why?” </p><p>Zuko is so tired. It makes his bones ache. He looks away from Katara, because there’s so much information on her face, because there’s so much emotion pouring from her and Zuko doesn’t understand it. But when he looks at Sokka, it isn’t any better. </p><p>Sokka swallows. “What if… What if you just try it out? Stay with us for a couple of days?” he suggests. “I know this must be a lot to get used to, but…” </p><p>“Did you lie to me when you said you’d take me back?” Zuko asks, and he barely recognises his own voice, harsh and piercing and furious. </p><p>Sokka looks taken aback. “I…” </p><p>“I want to go back to the tower,” he says. “And… And if you’re not going to take me back, please tell me now so that I can start walking before it gets dark.” </p><p>He thinks <em> before Mother gets home, </em>and then he realises that even if he does get through the woods unharmed and miraculously find the tower, and even if he does it before Mother is back, he still won’t be able to get back in. He’ll have to wait for Mother, and then she will know. She’ll know what a terrible son he is. </p><p>Zuko closes his eyes. He thinks he might burst into tears or flames at any moment. He doesn’t know which. </p><p>“Okay,” Sokka says, low and quiet.</p><p>“What? Sokka!” Katara snaps. “We can’t leave him back there!”</p><p>Sokka clears his throat. Zuko opens his tired eyes again, and finds that Sokka’s expression is completely new. He looks as sad and tired as Zuko feels. Sokka looks over at his sister, and shrugs. “But if we don’t, are we any better than whoever put him there?” </p><p>Zuko doesn’t know what that means. Mother keeps him in the tower to keep him alive. They’re not better than Mother. They’re liars, and they’re cheats, and they tricked Zuko into thinking they wanted to be his friends. </p><p>Zuko tightens his arms around himself. </p><p>“We can’t,” Katara says again. </p><p>“I think we have to,” Aang adds. “If it’s what he wants.” </p><p>Sokka stands then, and Zuko feels very vulnerable on the ground, and feeling vulnerable just makes him angrier. He misses being surrounded by walls and knowing he’s safe. </p><p>“Okay, Zuko.” Sokka speaks like the words are being torn unwillingly from him. “It’s okay. We’ll take you home.” </p><p>Zuko’s relief is almost as crushing as his panic had been. He breathes, and nods, and returns to the bison in a haze of emotion. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It’s only been a few hours, Sokka thinks. He shouldn’t feel like his whole being is shattered, just by watching a firebender climb back into a window. </p><p>(But he does. He feels like he’s never going to be the same again, now that he knows he’s capable of doing something this awful. Leaving Zuko here might be the worst thing he’ll ever do.) </p><p>“Zuko,” Sokka calls, and he wants to climb after him, but Zuko’s shoulders go stiff and Sokka is reminded that he is not welcome. “I’m… I’m sorry,” he tries. </p><p>Zuko looks at him through the window, and he’s still the most beautiful thing that Sokka has ever seen, even unhealthily pale, even looking at Sokka like he never wants to see him again. </p><p>Zuko nods eventually, and it’s a clear dismissal. Sokka drops his head to his hands as Appa takes flight, drawing them further and further from the tower.</p><p>Nobody talks for a long time.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Zuko feels like he can breathe again once the others are gone. </p><p>And then:</p><p>“Zuko,” Mother says from the chair in the corner. </p><p> </p><hr/><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Um. Sorry?</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Everything (Except, I Guess, A Door)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter took forever to write for multiple reasons, including the fact that it was a painful chapter to write. There are a whole host of specific warnings for this chapter. I've put them at the end of the chapter to avoid spoilers.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The first time Zuko vaguely remembers attempting to escape, he was ten years old. It goes like this:</p><p>Mother has started leaving for days at a time. Zuko understands that she has things to do, that she can’t always be here with Zuko, but it leaves him lonely and anxious. Zuko talks to the birds and the insects, talks to his books like they care about his commentary, talks to himself incessantly. But it’s still hard, sometimes, to be all alone. </p><p>(And he knows, he really knows, that he’s safe up here in the tower. He knows that being safe and lonely is better than the alternative. He isn’t <em> stupid. </em>But it’s still hard, when hours turn into days.)</p><p>Mother has been away for days, and Zuko has done all of his chores. He knows that he should make dinner soon, but instead, he sits in the window and he watches the sparrowkeet nest. There are eggs that should hatch any day now, and then Zuko can watch the babies being fed and learning to fly. </p><p>He wishes he could fly. That would be nice. Then he could fly away and be back before Mother knows he’s been anywhere.</p><p>And he knows better. He <em> does </em> know better. But he’s also filled with an aching longing as he stares at the eggs in the nest. </p><p>Before Zuko really thinks about what he’s doing, he’s sitting in the window with his legs dangling, one hand grasping the stone of the window ledge and the other stretching forward to the nearest tree. It’s much too far away, of course. Even if he jumps, it will be too far, and he’ll fall down down down to his death. </p><p>For a moment, Zuko thinks: I could jump anyway.</p><p>And then he thinks about climbing. </p><p>Zuko is a good climber. He often climbs around the rafters. Once, one of the beams broke and he fell onto the bed, and it hurt a lot, but it was kind of worth it. Mother didn’t want him to climb in the rafters anymore after that, but Mother isn’t often here, and Zuko knows to be light-footed and careful so that he doesn’t break a beam again. </p><p>He never really has the thought ‘I should climb out the window’. It’s more like he thinks ‘I <em> could </em> climb out the window’, and the next thing he knows, he’s holding onto the ledge from the other side and trying to negotiate his centre of balance. </p><p>The stones on the outside of the tower are too smooth for him to climb all the way down, but he can just about cling to the window and find footholds to hold his weight. And he’s a good climber, but it’s never been on stone before, so he takes a good few minutes to get used to the weight distribution before he extends a hand from the window ledge to the stone. </p><p>This is when he hears a horrified cry from below.</p><p>Zuko almost loses his balance with his surprise, but he manages to grasp onto the ledge again. His breaths rasp in his chest, partly because he really almost fell just then, and partly because this means that Mother has <em> seen </em>him. </p><p>Zuko scrambles in the window, and he waits for Mother with wide eyes and a dawning sense of foreboding. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The first time Zuko clearly remembers considering escape, he was fourteen years old. It goes like this:</p><p>Zuko only has hazy memories of trying to escape at ten years old. He does remember upsetting Mother enough to be tied to the bed and left there, but he doesn’t recall that it was almost two days with no food or water. </p><p>As far as Zuko is concerned, there have always been shackles by the window.</p><p>But he looks to the outside one day when Mother is out shopping, looks to the indentations between the stones, and thinks about climbing outside. He has a vague sense that this is a bad idea, a dull throb of ghostly pain in his face and the pit of his stomach, but he leans out the window and looks to the trees nearby. If he jumps, there’s a small possibility that he could get to the tree before falling, but it’s unlikely. And if he jumps and misses, he’ll fall to his death. </p><p>He thinks: I could jump anyway. </p><p>And then he wonders about climbing. Zuko is a good climber. By all accounts, he should be too heavy to climb up in the rafters, but he’s light-footed and agile enough that he still manages it. He might be able to hold himself to the outside of the tower. He might even be able to skirt down it, very carefully. </p><p>Zuko turns himself around and slides out the window, letting his socked feet catch the indentations between the stones. He finds a good stance and moves one hand from the window to a shallow handhold, and then he pauses there. </p><p>If Mother comes home, he realises, this will be bad. Zuko doesn’t like being chained to the wall, and he’s giving Mother a very good reason to leave him there. And even if he does find that he can climb - what then? What happens once his feet touch the ground? Does he really imagine that he could climb back <em> up?  </em></p><p>So Zuko shuffles his way back to the window ledge, heart pounding in his chest, and ducks back inside. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Zuko remembers reading that people can go crazy in isolation. </p><p>He isn’t sure that Mother really knows about that book. It’s a commentary on Love Amongst the Dragons, but more than that, it’s an exploration of the character arc of the Dragon Emperor. There’s a whole chapter on the Dragon Emperor’s imprisonment, and how his inability to see or talk to anyone - mortal or immortal - causes him to teeter on the edge of sanity. </p><p>Zuko stares at the bed, where the books have all been piled up, far out of his reach. He thinks that he wouldn’t go crazy if he could still read. </p><p>But Mother has taken away the books for the same reason that she has shackled Zuko, and for the same reason that she only returns every few days to ensure that he is well and safe without having to actually interact with him. If Mother gives him more than the bare minimum, he won’t learn.</p><p>This is why she places bread and water on the kitchen counter, where he can access it, but everything else is out of his reach. It’s why she barely speaks to him or even looks at him, even when he begs, even when he’s so manic with it that she brings him tea to help him fall into unconsciousness.</p><p>Zuko wishes he wasn’t such a slow learner. </p><p>Days have turned into weeks. The weeks might have bled into months. And Zuko doesn’t know when his punishment will end. He’s starting to wonder <em> if </em> it will end; perhaps Mother has decided that the only way to keep Zuko safe is to keep him tied up. And it’s livable, it really is - Zuko can reach the kitchen counter and the bathroom with the chains this slack. And while he can’t get any further than that, Zuko knows that with a little more length in the chains, he could even do most of his chores. All he wants is for Mother to come back and talk to him. He can live like this. He really can. </p><p>Zuko lowers his head to his knees again, careful of the still-healing blisters by his left eye from when he’d last gotten feverishly angry and allowed his firebending to show.</p><p>When the sun starts to sink below the trees, Miso comes by. She squawks at him, feathers ruffled. Zuko assumes that she has been out hunting; she has never been the most proficient hunter, and she sometimes comes by irritated about her lack of success. Usually, Zuko will feed her scraps of meat from his own meals. </p><p>Zuko eyes the bread on the floor next to him. He gave up keeping this loaf of bread on the counter around the time that it started to go moldy. Mother was kind enough to leave cheese and some kind of salad leaves with the bread at her last silent delivery, but the bread is all that’s left now.</p><p>“Here,” Zuko says, tearing off a few pieces of bread around where the mold is spreading. “I don’t think it’s going to taste good. Sorry about that.” </p><p>He holds out the bread, and Miso looks at it expectantly and then glances back up at Zuko’s face. Zuko doesn’t have the energy to coax her into taking it from his palm, so he places it gently by her claws and watches her eat. </p><p>Some time later, with Miso still purring by his side, Zuko imagines that the moon disappears from the sky. A sense of dread settles in his stomach, but Zuko has seen and heard all kinds of things in the depths of solitude that weren’t real, so he doesn’t pay it any mind. Instead, he lowers his head to his knees and lets himself drift. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There is an unspoken rule that they don’t talk about Zuko. Katara isn’t sure if it’s a good rule or a terrible one. Nonetheless, she can tell when the three of them are all thinking about him.</p><p>At first, it’s because it turns out that Zuko is a popular name for Fire Nation kids. At the third mention of a Zuko, their Zuko almost comes up in conversation. The Zuko in question is the great nephew of Jeong Jeong, whom he’s never been able to meet. Jeong Jeong apparently notices the three of them react to the name, because he asks, and Sokka bites out: “Why is everyone in the Fire Nation named Zuko?”</p><p>Jeong Jeong blinks at the clear irritation in Sokka’s tone, and then explains: “It’s about royalty. Once a prince or princess is named, the common folk like to emulate. Plus, when there’s a tragedy… Well, let’s say there are a lot of young Lu Tens nowadays, too.” </p><p>It’s an answer, but it isn’t really comforting. It just means that they’re going to keep being haunted. Katara sighs, and her fingers come up to touch her necklace. </p><p>“Why?” Jeong Jeong eventually asks. “Water Tribe don’t like the name?”</p><p>“No, it’s… We kind of met a Zuko once,” Aang explains, looking as awkward and guilty as Katara feels. “It didn’t go well.”</p><p>And that’s all. The boy in the tower is reduced to ‘it didn’t go well’. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next time that Katara knows that all three of them are thinking about their Zuko is when things come to a head with Yue. </p><p>Katara feels a burst of hope when she sees how Sokka looks at Yue when they first meet, because it’s eerily reminiscent of the way he’d looked at Zuko. But it only lasts a moment before Sokka’s expression draws in, filled instead with grief. Katara’s heart crumples with Sokka’s expression. There’s a part of her that wants to be furious, that wants to say <em> you knew that boy for a day, don’t let him ruin you, </em>but she knows she can’t say it. Sokka needs to move on by himself. </p><p>But it all comes crashing down when the four of them are whispering about the war one evening, and Yue makes two things clear: first, her responsibility is to her people before it is to the world, and second, that she’s going to be married soon in order to start producing heirs for the royal line.</p><p>Katara is expecting to feel angry. She’s expecting to feel angry because the Northern Tribe needs to help in this war effort, not forget the rest of the world just to protect themselves. She even expects to feel angry that Yue, who is intelligent and kind, is only considered worthwhile for her ability to bear heirs. </p><p>She’s not expecting to feel a moment of pained anger at the idea that maybe, in a way, Yue is trapped in this life. </p><p>“You don’t have to stay here,” Katara finds herself saying. “You can come with us, if this isn’t the life you want.” </p><p>Yue blinks slowly at her, and then frowns. “It isn’t about what I want, Katara,” she says, soft and patient. “It’s about my duty. This is where I belong.” </p><p>Sokka lets out a strangled laugh. “You get to choose where you belong, Yue,” he insists. And then he flinches, and Katara knows that they’re on the same page. “If you want to be here, if you want to be tied to this life, then… then fine, we won’t make you leave. But you don’t <em> have </em>to stay. You’re not trapped.” </p><p>Katara looks to Aang, and she isn’t sure if she’s looking for support or an argument, but she sees the way that his face shifts when Sokka speaks. And she knows that all three of them are back there, trying to convince a prisoner that he doesn’t have to live his whole life in a prison.</p><p>Yue stands up very straight. “I never said I was trapped,” she declares, her voice careful. And then she turns and leaves them, and Sokka winces. </p><p>They don’t talk about Zuko then, either. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Katara thinks about bringing it up again, once the North falls. Yue is gone, and Katara doesn’t understand whether she should be thinking of Yue as dead or as transformed, but she’s <em> gone. </em>The Northern Water Tribe has fallen to Princess Azula. They have failed. </p><p>Katara, Sokka, and Aang are all bruised and more than a little vulnerable, after fighting both Admiral Zhao (who is a psychopath who tried to kill the moon spirit) and Princess Azula (who is somehow even more of a psychopath than the man who tried to kill the moon spirit). Katara thinks that they have only managed to survive due to the fact that Zhao clearly has a problem with Azula and wasn’t following her orders. </p><p>They head to the Earth Kingdom to find Aang an earthbending master, and Katara thinks about suggesting that they go past Zuko’s tower and check on him. But then she thinks about how his face had drained of colour, about how he’d seemed to stop breathing entirely just out of fear. Fear of <em>them. </em>And it all somehow gets tied up in how Yue’s eyes had flashed when they had tried to convince her to leave, and how Katara finds herself unable to untangle the question of whether checking on Zuko would be selfish. </p><p>She tells herself that she’ll mention it when their plans take them close by. For now, she folds the question into herself and sighs. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Toph has never had friends before. But she’s pretty sure that when you find a sore spot with your friends, you’re supposed to poke at it until you understand why it’s sore in the first place.</p><p>Sometimes it’s physical. It’s how she finds out that some of her earthbending techniques don’t work as well when you’re twinkle-toed and don’t land the way that she does. </p><p>And sometimes it’s less physical. Like right now.</p><p>Toph is recounting the tale of how she first encountered Earth Rumble, and Aang has stopped her to ask about her running away. Toph shrugs. “I ran away all the time,” she admits. “Not that it ever taught my parents anything. Honestly, if they thought it was acceptable to chain me to a wall, they--”</p><p>And Toph cuts herself off, because everyone’s hearts have just gone <em> haywire.  </em></p><p>“Whoa,” Toph says. “What was that?”</p><p>“What was what?” Katara asks. </p><p>“Your heartbeats all went crazy,” Toph responds. “What? You were all chained to a wall once and it was really bad?” </p><p>“It’s nothing, Toph,” Aang says, and his voice has lost its chirpy edge. “Keep going.” </p><p>“It’s not <em> nothing,</em>” Sokka snaps. </p><p>Katara sighs. </p><p>“Okay, we’re apparently pausing my story. What happened?” Toph asks. </p><p>Nobody answers. </p><p>Toph scowls. “This isn’t fair,” she states. “You can’t invite me to join your group and then not tell me stuff.” The silence stretches out, and Katara and Sokka are facing each other and tense in a way that tells Toph that they’re trying to communicate through facial expressions, which is just rude. “Is this about Princess Yue?”</p><p>Katara actually flinches at that one. Youch. </p><p>“No,” Aang says eventually. “It’s not. This was.... Before Yue.”</p><p>And that’s how Toph learns what might be the most ridiculous, offensive story she has ever been told. And she spent her free time with Earth Rumble fighters. </p><p>There was a boy in a tower, Aang explains. A boy who had never left the tower, ever, in his whole life. (And Toph aches with that a little, because she might have had more than a tower, but she knows what it’s like to be trapped in a place that’s supposed to be home.) There were chains hanging from the walls like a warning, and the boy was scarred and frightened. They had taken him to the ground and he’d fallen into the grass, and at this point Sokka takes over storytelling and uses some truly absurd adjectives until Katara wrests control. </p><p>And then it all takes a turn when Toph learns that they <em> left the boy there.  </em></p><p>“Wait,” Toph interrupts, holding up a hand. “Are you telling me that the kid is still in the tower? You just <em> left him behind?”  </em></p><p>“What were we supposed to do?” Katara asks, and she sounds so truly distressed that it offends Toph even more. What right does Katara have to be distressed by this? “He asked us to leave him there. We couldn’t just…” </p><p>“Just what?” Toph snaps, standing up. “Oh, you <em> had </em> to leave him there with someone who apparently chains him to the wall? When he doesn’t even know where the door is if he did decide to leave?” </p><p>Everyone’s hearts are going wild, and Toph doesn’t even care, because what in the name of Oma’s bastard children were they thinking? </p><p>“Toph,” Sokka says, and his voice breaks with it. “We didn’t have a choice.”</p><p>“Uh yes, you did, and you do,” Toph says, and then slams her bare foot into the earth. She forces the ground to spring forward underneath them all, propelling them to their feet. “You can go back and make sure he hasn’t changed his mind!” </p><p>“He really, really didn’t want us to be there,” Aang points out. </p><p>Toph huffs. “Yeah,” she says, moving toward the bison. “Neither did I.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Zuko hears the sky bison, he’s sure that it’s his mind playing tricks on him again. Right up until the moment that a familiar face comes to the window, and then it’s like all the air is punched out of Zuko’s chest. He doesn’t know if it’s relief or fear, it’s such a blur of intense emotion that it’s all Zuko can do to breathe around it.</p><p>And then he thinks: What if Mother comes home right now? What if she sees them here? How much worse might it get?</p><p>“You have to go,” he finds himself saying, even as what he’s thinking is <em> no no please don’t go. </em>“If Mother gets home…” </p><p>Katara falls to her knees in front of him, and she looks like she’s going to burst into tears at any moment. Zuko follows her eyes as they trace Zuko’s scar, which is less a scar now and more a slowly-healing burn. And then she looks down to Zuko’s shaking hands. The cuffs, Zuko realises - she’s looking at the cuffs. </p><p>And then it gets worse, because she <em> does </em>cry. </p><p>“We left you here,” she says, and hiccups. “We just <em> left </em>you here.”</p><p>Zuko doesn’t understand what’s happening. </p><p>He looks up from Katara to the others. Sokka has tumbled through the window, and is staring at Zuko with wide eyes, and he isn’t any easier to look at, so Zuko turns back to Katara. </p><p>“What are you doing here?” he asks, and watches as something shifts in Katara’s face. The tears are stemmed, and all of her features harden with determination.</p><p>“What we should have done before,” she replies. “We’re getting you out of here.” </p><p>Panic shoots through Zuko. He backs up from her a little, pressing his back into the stone wall. </p><p>“Katara,” Sokka interrupts, and then kneels next to his sister. He clears his throat. “Hi, Zuko,” he says, voice gentle like Zuko is a woodland creature who might be frightened off. “You don’t look so… We’d like to, uh. Help you. If that’s okay with you.” </p><p>Zuko blinks at him, trying to parse out what’s happening. Behind the instinctual panic is a slowly creeping feeling that this might be his last chance at survival. </p><p>And it can’t be, Zuko thinks; that doesn’t make any sense. Mother wants to keep him <em> safe. </em>But she also isn’t leaving enough food for the time she’s disappearing, and every attempt at communicating this with her has been ignored, and Zuko has never been chained to the wall for so long. </p><p>Mother might not mean to hurt him, not really, but Zuko is starting to worry.</p><p>Zuko curls into himself, looking beyond the Water Tribe siblings. There are two other people in the room now: Aang and a scowling girl. </p><p>In the midst of trying to figure out what to do, Zuko realises with a burst of desperate dread: isn’t this a moot point?</p><p>Zuko wets his chapped lips. “You should go,” he says, even though he doesn’t want to. Sokka flinches visibly. “I can’t… It’s not that I don’t want to,” Zuko explains, meeting Sokka’s eyes. They’re just as blue as Zuko remembers. He holds this fact close to his chest, because at a certain point, Zuko began assuming that he had imagined it. “But.” He holds up his wrists. “She has the key with her.” </p><p>“She?” Katara asks. </p><p>“Mother,” Zuko answers. </p><p>Katara draws a rough breath. “Your <em> mom </em> is doing this to you?” </p><p>“She could be back any time,” Zuko says, straining to look out the window where the bison was. “If she sees… I don’t want it to get worse. So. You should go, please.” </p><p>“I’ll send Appa away,” Aang suggests, which isn’t even close to what Zuko meant. “We’ll call him back if we need to. She has to get into the tower somehow, right? I have a whistle only Appa can hear, so we can get out before your mom sees anything. Promise.” </p><p>“She would see you looking for her out the window,” Zuko points out, starting to feel a little distressed. Are they not going to leave?</p><p>“I’ll be able to tell if anyone approaches us,” the girl insists. She wiggles her bare feet as if this is an explanation.</p><p>“Toph is an earthbender,” Aang explains, smiling over at Zuko. “And she can feel things with her feet. She’ll know, trust me. And we’ll stay away from the window. Okay?”</p><p>Aang goes to shoo the sky bison without waiting for Zuko’s response. </p><p>Katara clears her throat. She looks calmer than before, but there is still a glint of determination in her eyes as she says: “I can get those off you.” She gestures to the cuffs. “It’ll just take a few minutes. Can you give me your hands?” </p><p>Zuko goes to obey automatically, and then hesitates. </p><p>Once the cuffs are gone, Zuko can’t change his mind. If Mother comes home to find Zuko here and unbound, she will… Zuko doesn’t know what she will do. But it will be bad. </p><p>He swallows, and looks to each of the new faces in his tower. </p><p>(It’s overwhelming, looking at them all. They have so many expressions, and they keep shifting. There’s too much new information. If Zuko leaves, he won’t be able to come back to the safety of the tower.)</p><p>“I don’t know if I can--” he starts, and then gives up on communicating and works on regulating his breathing. If he isn’t careful, he’ll breathe fire again, and Mother <em> hates </em> it when he breathes fire. </p><p>“Hey,” Sokka says, voice still gentle. Zuko looks up at him, and Sokka smiles a little. “This is up to you, okay? But… can you try seeing this the way that we see it?”</p><p>“I can’t see anything,” Toph interjects. </p><p>Sokka rolls his eyes, and then gives Zuko a wry grin and a shrug, like Zuko is in on the joke. </p><p>And Zuko tries to imagine himself through Sokka’s eyes. Zuko is chained to the wall, like the Dragon Emperor in the second act of Love Amongst the Dragons, but Zuko isn’t sure if he wants to be freed. The Dragon Emperor would have been sure. He wouldn’t have stayed imprisoned, unsure if he was going to survive there, if he had an opportunity for freedom. </p><p>Zuko could be free. </p><p>The realisation sinks in slowly, but then it feels like something desperate has unfurled inside him. He could touch the grass every day. He could run and run and run, and never have to stop. Zuko could have the entire world. </p><p>The tower has never felt so small. </p><p>Zuko holds out his wrists. Sokka smiles then, and it isn’t an attempt at comfort or a reaction to a joke, it’s just a real, honest smile. He looks like Zuko has just given <em> him </em> the world, and not the other way around. </p><p>“Okay,” Sokka says, and grasps Zuko’s hands. “Good. That’s great, buddy.” He continues to look at Zuko, wide-eyed and grinning. Zuko finds his own expression responding, even though anxiety is a constant buzz under the wonder and anticipation. </p><p>“Uh, Sokka?” Katara asks, unimpressed. “You want to let me remove the cuffs?” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Everything goes very wrong, very quickly.</p><p>Katara seems around halfway there, slicing water back and forth on the chain connecting Zuko’s cuffs to the wall. It’s not the most elegant solution, but Toph assumes that the plan is: one: get Zuko to safety; two: get Zuko to freedom. And while Sokka’s job is apparently to say increasingly dumb things to keep Zuko calm, and Aang’s job is to act like nothing is completely horrifyingly wrong in this scenario, <em> Toph </em>is actually being useful by keeping her feet on the stone and her mind focused. </p><p>Which is why she realises that the other occupant of the tower is on her way. </p><p>“She’s coming,” Toph says, steady. </p><p>The others freeze. </p><p>“Twinkletoes, get the whistle ready,” she says. “I’ll tell you to blow it when she’s in the tower.” </p><p>“I can’t do this any faster,” Katara says, panic clearly settling in. </p><p>Zuko’s heart is beating jackrabbit-fast when he says: “I’ll have to hide my hands.” </p><p>“What? No, we can’t just--” Sokka starts. </p><p>“You have to,” Zuko interrupts. “It will be so much worse if you don’t go. You have to go.” </p><p>“We’ll come back for you,” Sokka insists, and his voice is low and serious. “I promise. We will come back for you, Zuko.”</p><p>Toph’s own heartbeat is threatening to get in the way of her reading the tower. It’s a long way down, after all; she has to listen all the way through the stones and through the soil. But she does it, eyes scrunched closed, and she feels when the woman opens a trap door between the trees. </p><p>The door closes behind her. </p><p>“Now,” Toph says. “Now!” </p><p>She feels Aang press the whistle to his mouth and breathe through it, even though she can’t hear the bison call. Toph turns slowly, mind on the woman in the tunnel below the tower, and seeks out a place to hide. </p><p>“Will anyone be able to see me under the bed?” she asks. </p><p>Zuko’s heartbeat ratchets up again. “You can’t,” he says, which honestly, he seems to say a <em> lot. </em>Toph hopes that he’s not going to be this much of a naysayer once they’re out of here.</p><p>“I’m hiding,” Toph informs him. “And there’s nothing you can do about it, shackles. Aang, give me the whistle. I’ll call you back once we’re alone.” </p><p>And with a little help from Aang, Toph hides herself under the bed and waits. </p><p>She feels the others climb to the window, and then they’re out of her reach. The woman, Zuko’s mother, is almost at the door. </p><p>“Please stay quiet,” Zuko requests, and then she feels him pull his knees up and curl into himself, effectively hiding the half-broken chain by his cuffs. “Please.”</p><p>The door opens. </p><p>Toph holds her breath. </p><p>The door creaks as it closes behind Zuko’s mother, and Toph feels her lift her hands to her hood and lower it. Zuko is practically cowering, knees pulled up to his chest and hands hidden. Zuko’s head is lowered. </p><p>Nobody speaks. </p><p>That’s what weirds Toph out the most. There’s no greeting, no chatter, nothing. Zuko’s mother just walks to the kitchen area and places a bag on the counter, then moves to remove items from it. </p><p>Zuko’s heart is beating too fast. </p><p>“Mother,” he says eventually, voice tight at the edges. </p><p>What are you doing, Zuko? Toph tilts her head, hands flat against the stone floor as she listens to the stones, listens for the way that Zuko is trembling, for the way that his mother moves smooth and unhurried, unburdened by the sight of her injured child chained to the spirits-forsaken wall. </p><p>“Mother,” Zuko says again, more firm this time. “Can you… Can you tell me how long?” </p><p>Zuko’s mother does hesitate then, and Toph feels her turn her head to regard Zuko. But then she turns back to what she’s doing.</p><p>“Mom!” Zuko calls, and he sounds like he might cry. What is he doing? “Please, just. Tell me. How long is this going to go on? What is your plan? Are you ever going to let me go?”</p><p>Oh, Toph realises: he’s trying to give her a chance. Zuko might still back out of this bid for freedom, if his crazy mother says that she will let him go one day.</p><p>Toph tries not to feel angry. She fails, a little, but she still tries. </p><p>Zuko’s mother sighs, weary, and then moves to the stove. Toph feels her move something - a kettle? - onto a flame. </p><p>“I don’t want the tea!” Zuko insists. “I just want you to talk to me. Please, Mother, I can’t. I’ll go crazy. People go crazy without anyone to talk to, did you know that?” </p><p>Mother turns in place. She must be watching Zuko. “Calm down,” she says, and her voice is steady and warm, which is completely at odds with how Toph feels about her. “You know what happens when you get emotional, Zuko.” </p><p>“When is this over?” Zuko asks, and he sounds desperate with it. Toph’s anger slides into pity. All of this, and Zuko is still looking for an excuse to stay. “Just tell me--”</p><p>“You do not tell me what to do,” Zuko’s mother snaps, and the warmth has disappeared from her tone. “I am in charge here. You are my son and I will protect you how I see fit.” </p><p>She isn’t lying. She really does think she’s protecting him.</p><p>“All I want to do is <em> know</em>.” Zuko’s voice is climbing in volume now, and his heart is beating hard in his chest. “I just want to <em> know </em>--”</p><p>And then something happens. Toph doesn’t understand what it is, but it makes Zuko stop immediately, halting still like he’s hit a wall. And his heart rate changes, shifts to faster and lighter - anger to fear, Toph thinks. </p><p>“Zuko.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Zuko says, and his tone has changed, too. He’s quiet now, rushed, words tumbling over one another. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, it was-- it was an accident--”</p><p>“You know what happens when you firebend,” his mother states. “Eight seconds.” </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Zuko says again. </p><p>Zuko’s mother - his captor - sighs again. “It will be ten seconds if you don’t start now.”</p><p>And while Toph is still processing that the missing piece was accidental firebending, something <em> else </em> happens that she doesn’t understand. Something that causes Zuko’s mother to say: “One.”</p><p>Zuko’s heart rate is going wild. He has his left hand pressed to his face, and his breathing is going rough. A grunt escapes. </p><p>“Two.”</p><p>A gasp this time. His whole body is taut, tight, like a bowstring. But why is-- </p><p>“Three.” </p><p>He’s in pain, Toph realises. But his captor isn’t touching him. She’s standing far away, far enough that Zuko probably couldn’t even get to her if he wanted to, and her arms are folded across her chest. She isn’t hurting him. But he’s acting like he’s-- </p><p>“Four.”</p><p>Toph smells burning, and it slides into place. </p><p>“STOP,” Toph shouts. She scrambles the whistle into her mouth and blows, hard, and then repeats. “Zuko, STOP IT.”</p><p>“What--” the captor starts, and then yelps when Toph makes the stones push her backwards. Toph slides out from under the bed and runs to Zuko. “Get out of my tower!” </p><p>“Zuko,” Toph says, collapsing next to him and reaching out. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Zuko pulls away from her and hisses: “You weren’t supposed to--”</p><p>And then Appa is back. </p><p>“Get out!” Zuko’s mother is yelling, but Toph can barely hear her. “Get out! Leave!” </p><p>Katara lands next to Toph and reaches for Zuko’s hands, for the chain, but the captor throws herself bodily at them. Toph lands with an <em> oomph </em> and kicks up the stone again, trying to fight back through the chaos. </p><p>Somehow, Zuko’s mother forces herself between them, and Toph realises that she is holding a kitchen knife. Katara reaches for her waterskin, ready to fight, and Aang lifts up his hands in what might be an airbending pose or might be an attempt to placate. It’s always hard to tell with Aang. </p><p>“Get away from him, lady,” Toph insists. “We don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>“And we won’t,” Aang insists. </p><p>“Oh, you do not get to decide that for me,” Toph snaps. “You didn’t hear what I heard.” </p><p>“Who are you?” the captor asks. The knife is trembling.</p><p>Toph feels Zuko, behind his mother, very slowly getting to his feet. He’s by the window. The two of them are blocking the way back to Appa. But Zuko is so close to Appa - if only Katara had managed to finish with the chains. Maybe she still can, Toph thinks; could she do it without Zuko’s captor noticing? </p><p>“Why do you want to steal my child?” the woman shouts. “Who are you working for?” </p><p>“We’re not working for anyone,” Sokka says. </p><p>“We’re just trying to set him free!” Katara insists. </p><p>“Free?” The woman laughs, and it’s a horrible, broken sound. “Free? He’ll never be free!” </p><p>“Mother,” Zuko says, soft, and then the captor turns and grabs Zuko. Toph lifts her foot, ready to force the stones to trip the psychotic captor, but then-- </p><p>Zuko’s mother twists a hand into Zuko’s hair and holds the knife at his throat, and Toph is so furious that she’s shaking with it.</p><p>“Get off him!” Toph yells. </p><p>And Zuko <em> isn’t fighting back.  </em></p><p>“Mother,” he says again, way too calm for Toph’s liking. “Nobody wants to hurt you. So, please.”</p><p>“Do you want to go with them?” the woman snarls. “Is that what you want? After everything I’ve done for you? You don’t even know! All I have ever done is love you, and this is how you repay me?”</p><p>Zuko tries to straighten, and his mother’s hand tightens in his hair. Toph feels Zuko swallow. “You’re hurting me.”</p><p>“You will not take my child,” the woman spits at the four of them. </p><p>“Mom,” Zuko says, and his voice is firmer this time. His mother turns to him. “I’m leaving. I have to go. You do know that, right?”</p><p>The woman sobs. Her hand loosens in Zuko’s hair. “You can’t leave me,” she says. “I won’t let you.”</p><p>Zuko straightens, and her hand falls away. The knife trembles again. </p><p>“Are you going to kill me to keep me here?” Zuko asks. “Because if I stay, that’s what will happen. I’ll die. You know that, don’t you?”</p><p>“You’ll die out there,” his mother says, voice tight with tears. “You don’t understand. The monsters, Zuko. You’ll die. Nobody will look after you. I love you, Zuko - all I want to do is look after you. I love you. Nobody else has ever loved you. Nobody ever will. Stay here with me, baby; I’ll keep you safe.” </p><p>Now that the knife isn’t pressed to Zuko’s throat, Toph could fling his mother backwards and trap her until they’re free. But she doesn’t move yet, frozen in place, hoping that Zuko is going to calm her down. </p><p>Zuko lifts a hand to his mother’s and slowly lowers the knife. </p><p>“I can’t stay here anymore, Mom,” he says, voice so hushed that it’s barely audible. “I’m sorry. I love you. But I’m leaving.” </p><p>“Nobody will keep you safe,” the woman insists. </p><p>“Maybe not,” Zuko agrees. “But I’m going anyway.”</p><p>Zuko’s mother collapses into sobs and crumples to the floor. Zuko follows her down and holds her for several long moments. The only sounds in the tower are the crying of Zuko’s captor and Zuko’s hushed, comforting words. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It takes a long time for Zuko to be ready to leave. Sokka doesn’t want to rush him, and he has to stop the others from doing so. It’s important, he thinks, that this is Zuko’s choice. </p><p>In the end, it isn’t Katara who frees Zuko from the chains. After long minutes of holding his mother, Zuko asks for the key, and she hands it over with trembling fingers. Zuko slides the key into the shackles and twists, and the metal clangs against the stone as it falls. </p><p>Zuko’s mother is staring into the distance with a scarily blank expression on her face. Sokka can’t quite look directly at her. He kneels beside Zuko, who is free but unmoving, and then asks: “What do you want to take with you?”</p><p>Zuko blinks slowly. He looks exhausted down to his bones. Sokka wants to touch him, to smooth his hair back from the wound or to help him stand, but he holds himself back. He’s pretty sure that the last thing Zuko needs right now is to be smothered. </p><p>“Clothes?” Zuko says eventually, and then Sokka watches as he looks around the tower. “I guess Appa doesn’t have much room for books.”</p><p>“Do you have a few favourites?” Sokka suggests, and Zuko offers him a very fragile smile. </p><p>Sokka and Aang gather Zuko’s things, but Zuko doesn’t seem to own a bag, so they just put them haphazardly in Appa’s packs to deal with later. It’s mostly just clothes and a few scrolls, which feels like a very small amount to take from home - but Sokka and Katara hadn’t taken much, either. And then finally, when Zuko’s hands are free, Zuko stands and looks out the window. He whistles. </p><p>Nothing happens. </p><p>Zuko whistles again.</p><p>“What are you looking for?” Aang asks, and Sokka catches the exact moment that some piece of light goes out from Zuko’s eyes. </p><p>“Nothing,” Zuko says, but his eyes are still darting around the trees. </p><p>This time, when they climb onto Appa, Sokka doesn’t offer his hand to Zuko. He wants Zuko to climb out of the window himself, unaided - wants Zuko to be able to claim his own freedom. Sokka doesn’t think he can handle being accused of manipulating Zuko out of the tower again. He still has dreams about that day, and they always end the same: Zuko terrified and furious, and Sokka feeling like a monster for trying to take him away from the tower, and also like a monster for leaving him behind. </p><p>Zuko hesitates at the window. He looks back to where his mother is sitting, hidden from Sokka’s view. </p><p>“I love you,” he says. It’s so quiet that Sokka can barely hear it. “You know that, right?”</p><p>Whatever Zuko’s mother says back isn’t audible to Sokka, but it makes the corner of Zuko’s mouth pull down. It also prompts Zuko to push himself out of the window and climb onto Appa. </p><p>Zuko looks around, and whistles one last time. </p><p>Nothing happens.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Problems arise almost instantly. The first is that Zuko won’t let Katara heal his face. </p><p>Aang isn’t completely sure what’s happening because he’s busy flying Appa, but he keeps sending concerned glances back into the saddle. It seems like every time Katara tries to get close, Zuko shifts away again. Katara looks angry in the way that she does when she’s actually just worried, and nobody is saying much of anything. </p><p>“It’s kind of a lot,” Sokka says to Katara, rubbing the back of his neck and looking awkward. “Maybe just… try again when we’re on the ground?”</p><p>Aang has been trying to be a good tour guide, to talk about the Earth Kingdom and the trees, but Zuko’s eyes don’t seem to be latching onto anything.</p><p>“Do you think we broke him?” Toph asks eventually. </p><p>Aang frowns back at her.</p><p>“You didn’t break me,” Zuko says, and it might actually be the first thing that he’s said since they took off. Aang lets out a relieved breath. </p><p>Aang’s relief settles further when they’re on the ground. Zuko walks around and touches everything, and a small smile graces his features. He’s amazed by the wood on the trees, and by the berries on the bush nearby (which Aang has to stop him from trying to eat, because they’re very poisonous). He’s fascinated by the animals, even the bugs, which Aang thinks is hysterical. </p><p>He still won’t let Katara near his face. </p><p>They eventually huddle around a campfire while Sokka and Katara find dinner. Aang tries to explain things to Zuko, even before he asks, because he’s a good friend! Aang explains what being the Avatar means, and he tries to explain the ins and outs of the war, but the truth is that Aang doesn’t really understand the politics very much.</p><p>“Why does the Fire Nation care so much about what you’re doing?” Zuko asks. Aang beams at him even though it’s not a very happy question, because he’s pleased that Zuko is paying attention instead of getting that tired, faraway look in his eyes. “It sounds like they were winning the war when you were gone. What difference does it make?”</p><p>“Uh, well, the Avatar is supposed to bring balance to the world?” Aang suggests. Toph snorts, and Aang pouts at her before remembering that she can’t see him. “And balance would mean that the Fire Nation is just one of the four nations. Or. Three, now.” </p><p>Aang hears his own voice dropping at the end there, and so he clears his throat and tries to smile.</p><p>Zuko blinks at him. “I’m sorry,” he says. </p><p>“Well, it’s not like you did anything wrong,” Aang points out. “But I’m sorry, too.”</p><p>Zuko frowns. His wound pulls with the motion in a way that doesn’t look comfortable. “No, but it was my people who did it to yours.”</p><p>“It wasn’t <em> you, </em>though,” Aang replies. “And you don’t even know your people. Right?”</p><p>Zuko nods. “Well, aside from--” He cuts himself off there, like bringing up his mother would be too much. The faraway look comes back. </p><p>“Anyway, that’s why we went up north,” Aang continues with the story. “We wanted to find a waterbending master to teach me and Katara.” He keeps going, and Zuko seems to be trying really hard to follow, but he’s looking a little droopy. Aang supposes that’s a good thing. </p><p>Sokka and Katara reappear, and Katara takes out their pans to start making dinner. </p><p>“Oh, hey,” Sokka says, voice hushed and warmer than usual. “You want to take a nap while we’re getting food ready?”</p><p>“Hm?” Zuko responds, and then shakes his head. “No, I’m awake.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Zuko is awake. He’s so tired, but he can’t seem to make his brain shut off. </p><p>He doesn’t try to put this into words, largely because the others aren’t having any issues falling asleep, but he thinks that the problem is that the world is too big. It’s stretching out at every angle. There are no walls, just trees and bushes. Zuko shudders. </p><p>He pushes his pile of blankets to the base of the nearest tree and tries to lie down against it, imagining that it’s a wall.</p><p>It doesn’t work.</p><p>Zuko’s brain won’t stop, can’t close down on his awareness of the incredible breadth of the world around him. It makes him feel dizzy. And there, behind the near-panic of the hugeness of the world, is the well of guilt at what he’s done. He left Mother crying on the floor for him, left everything he’s ever known, left the one person who loves him. Zuko is the worst son in the whole world. Nobody deserves a son as awful as him.</p><p>And there will never be any going back. Nothing will ever be the same.</p><p>Zuko shudders again, and then sits up against the tree. He looks at the others in the dying light of the embers, comfortably curled and sleeping, like the world hasn’t shifted into something new and daunting. These children, all alone, acting like it’s completely normal. </p><p>Is he going to stay with them? Is that the plan, now - to follow them on their warpath? Or will they leave Zuko here? Zuko is free now; that’s what they wanted. Maybe they will say goodbye in the morning, and Zuko will be completely alone in the world. </p><p>Agni. What has Zuko done? How did he think that he knew better than Mother, when Zuko quite clearly knows nothing at all?</p><p>The ground isn’t fascinating anymore. It’s a trap. </p><p>Zuko scrambles up the tree and finds himself a space against the trunk. He curls up there and watches the ground for movement. Anything could be down there. Anything could happen. </p><p>He tries to control his breathing. </p><p>(Mostly, he fails.)</p><p>His breath feels loose in his chest, like he can’t quite remember how to breathe normally. Every breath is either too much or too little. Zuko watches the ground, and he concentrates so hard on breathing, and for a while he thinks he might pass out.</p><p>It would be a bad idea to pass out while sitting in a tree, Zuko realises, but he’s also not convinced that he is capable of going back to the ground. So he holds onto the branch underneath himself and breathes, breathes, breathes.</p><p>Zuko sits there for what must be hours, sitting statue-still in the tree. That’s why he realises that they are not alone. </p><p>Zuko hones in on the sound, on the soft shifting of the night, and then he drops silently back to the grass and into a crouch. He moves to Aang and shakes him. Aang sighs as he wakes, and Zuko whispers: “We’re not alone.”</p><p>Aang goes from drowsy and confused to alert in the space of a heartbeat. Aang goes to wake Katara and Sokka, and Zuko shifts silently toward Toph. </p><p>When they’re all awake, Zuko stands again. </p><p>“It’s Azula,” Toph states, her voice hushed in the darkness. </p><p>A small laugh sounds. </p><p>Zuko puts himself between the other children and the source of the laughter, but it’s shifting. Zuko shifts too, following it, and calls fire to his palms to provide light. </p><p>“How does she always find us?” Katara complains. </p><p>Zuko shifts his fire around himself in ribbons, but he’s really only making himself a target here. He moves his hands, encouraging his fire higher, and then splits it into a dozen small points. The flames hang in the air like frozen droplets of water. Zuko holds his hands up, keeping them there, while his eyes focus on the woman who has found them. </p><p>The woman - Azula, Toph called her - walks further into the light of Zuko’s makeshift candles. And Zuko realises that she’s hardly a woman at all. She’s a child, just like all of them. </p><p>“You found a firebending master, then,” Azula drawls, looking bored as her eyes follow the flames. For just a moment, Azula hesitates and frowns at Zuko’s tiny pinpricks of fire, and Zuko finds himself feeling a little uncomfortable by it. </p><p>(And he realises, then, that though his body is tense with anticipation, he’s actually less afraid now than he was when he was alone in the night.)</p><p>“What do you want, Azula?” Aang asks. The others have shifted into a line now that Azula is visible, all with their arms raised in defense. Sokka is holding up a weapon that Zuko has read about in relationship with the Water Tribes: a boomerang. </p><p>Azula sighs. “You know what I want,” she states.</p><p>“You’re not taking Aang anywhere,” Katara snaps. “Certainly not back to your psycho grandfather.” </p><p>Katara is barely done speaking when Azula attacks, blasting out blue fire. Zuko shouts and raises his arms, falling automatically into a blocking pose that apparently works; the fire siphons off into a different direction. Zuko hopes that the others are defending themselves, because Zuko has no idea what he is doing. His droplets of fire have fallen with his concentration. Zuko works on running and blocking, up until the moment that he’s no longer under direct attack.</p><p>Zuko encourages his fire into a fire-whip and snaps it in Azula’s direction, drawing her attention away from Aang. </p><p>“The dirt child and the water peasants I understand,” Azula states, blocking Toph’s attack as she darts around a tree. “But you’re Fire Nation. You’re a traitor!”</p><p>Azula seems to make a decision to focus on attacking Zuko at that point. Zuko runs, drawing her away from the others. He doesn’t have a plan, which is… not great. But how is he supposed to plan and defend himself at the same time?</p><p>Zuko darts through the trees, hoping to lose Azula in the chase, but it turns out that not wearing shoes puts him at something of a disadvantage - he trips over a root and goes sprawling, and when he pulls himself up, Azula is <em> right there.  </em></p><p>Zuko pulls up his fire, ready to defend himself, and the pair are cast in red and blue light. </p><p>Azula hesitates. </p><p>Zuko hesitates, too, at first because he isn’t sure why she isn’t attacking him. And then Zuko’s eyes focus on her face, barely two feet from his, and he watches her eyebrows draw in, watches her eyes narrow in confusion as she watches him.</p><p>And Zuko is suddenly so sure that he’s seen her before. </p><p>They’re both still for long moments, the sounds of the other children in the forest fading into the background. </p><p>Zuko has seen her before. He knows her, somehow. He knows the inward pull of those eyebrows, the burnt amber colour of her eyes, knows-- somehow, Zuko is sure that he knows how she would look laughing with amusement instead of derision.</p><p>But that makes no sense. </p><p>“Have we…?” Zuko starts, and then catches himself about to ask <em> have we met </em> as if that is possible. They can’t have met, obviously; Zuko has only ever known Mother, and the group of children in the forest, and the faces from the town they visited together. Zuko would know if they had met.</p><p>“Zuko!” Toph shouts, closing in on them.</p><p>And Azula’s expression morphs suddenly, confused suspicion falling away and surprise taking over. </p><p>And then the earth is coming up to push Azula back, and she blasts fire at them again before running. </p><p>“What…?” Toph asks, turning her ear toward where Azula is running. “I’ve never felt her heart do <em> that </em> before,” she notes. “What did you say to her?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Zuko replies, and he’s sure that his own heart is working overtime, beating harder and faster than when he was running. </p><p>The others catch up, and Zuko raises his fire to give them light. Toph is still turned toward Zuko, scowling at him. </p><p>“I didn’t,” Zuko denies again. “But… It did feel like I recognised her?”</p><p>Sokka, gasping for breath against a tree, offers: “She’s the Fire Princess. You’ve probably seen her creepy portrait in a book.”</p><p>“That makes sense,” Zuko allows, and looks in the direction that Azula disappeared. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Here’s the thing: Zuko has read many books, because the hours of his life have been long and often lonely. Mother has brought many books home for him, so many that she’s had to take some away again, just so that there is (was) space in the tower. </p><p>But because the hours of Zuko’s life have been so long and lonely, Zuko has read each book cover-to-cover dozens of times at least. Zuko can recite passages from encyclopedias. Zuko knows exactly which page of which book says that flying bison are extinct. </p><p>If Zuko saw Azula’s portrait in a book, Zuko would know. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Chapter warnings: canonical character death (off-screen), child neglect (including withholding food, water, and human contact) momentary (possibly intrusive) suicidal ideation, self-harm directed by an abuser, mental breakdown of a minor character, a whole host of PTSD symptoms, acute agoraphobia. Please be careful with yourself if this might be difficult to read. If you want to skip this chapter but want a summary to catch up for next chapter, let me know and I will outline it for you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The World Has Somehow Shifted</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Everyone adjusts. Zuko doesn't return to the tower.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So excited to be able to get back to this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Zuko has never attempted to recall the specific memories of each layer of his scar, but if he were to try, he would lose track quickly. His memories have become a blur, like one long story retold a thousand times. But it hardly matters, because each story is the same: </p><p>It begins with Zuko messing up, almost always because he is being emotional and cannot control his firebending - though there are a few instances in which Mother catches him deliberately practicing with fire, which is against the rules. Zuko endures the punishment from his own hand and his own fire, while Mother counts down the seconds, extending the time only when she believes that he is being too soft on himself. Finally, Mother helps him to heal, with soft hands and cool ointments and kind words. </p><p>And Zuko heals. Sometimes the scar is expanded or has changed shape. Sometimes the fire has affected the sight from Zuko’s left eye, though he learns as he grows to be more careful about the angle of the fire to best protect his eye. On better days, the burn blisters and is painful. On worse days, when Zuko has less control or when the punishment lasts longer, Zuko burns through his skin enough that he can’t feel much of anything aside from the sensitive edges of the wound. </p><p>But no matter how bad it is, Mother helps. </p><p>(Up until he’s chained to the wall and wondering if she will ever return. Then, Zuko finds himself missing her soft words, her reassurances that the punishments can stop as soon as Zuko stops needing them, her help with healing. He starts wondering if it will ever come back.)</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sokka probably shouldn’t be glad that Zuko basically passes out in Appa’s saddle, but he’s been worrying that Zuko might never sleep. But once they’re in the sky, Zuko slowly starts listing to one side. Momo buries himself under one of Zuko’s arms, and Zuko jerks out of his almost-slumber for long enough to look down at him. Momo blinks at Zuko, and Zuko blinks back, and then they’re both asleep. With Momo tucked under his arm like that, Zuko looks years younger. Sokka finds himself smiling.</p><p>“Do you think I should heal him while he’s sleeping?” Katara asks, one hand already on her waterskin. </p><p>“Oh yeah, I’m sure he’s going to appreciate that,” Toph responds. </p><p>Katara scowls. “But I don’t <em> understand,”</em> she complains, which Sokka thinks is fair enough; Sokka doesn’t understand, either. </p><p>The burn looks really painful. It’s blistering at the edges, red and angry and far too close to the corner of Zuko’s eye for comfort. It’s even a little inflamed in a way that Sokka is worried might spell infection, and Zuko really doesn’t want an infection that close to his eye, right?</p><p>But if Sokka has learned anything from that awful first day, it’s that trying to force anything on Zuko is a bad idea. Zuko’s wound needs to be healed, or at least properly cleaned, but he needs to make the decision for himself. </p><p>When they land, far enough away that Azula can’t follow them too quickly, Sokka suggests that they all bathe in the nearby river. It’s warm enough that they can wash some clothing and leave it to dry, too. And Zuko is still bleary and half-asleep through their meal, but his eyes go wide and wondering again when they approach the river. </p><p>“Look, Zuko,” Aang says, hopping onto a rock in the middle of the softly-moving current. “There are fish in this river!”</p><p>Sokka stands back and grins as he watches Zuko interact with his first river. The girls have gone to find somewhere else to bathe, but Aang and Zuko are having far too much fun to start washing just yet. There’s some kind of innocent childhood glee in the pair of them, something that Sokka is so grateful hasn’t been extinguished by the lives they have led. </p><p>Eventually, and completely predictably, Aang and Zuko fall into the river fully clothed. Sokka isn’t sure how he became the resident adult - Zuko might even technically be older than Sokka - but he sighs and insists that they get on with washing themselves and their clothing before the girls come looking for them and get an eyeful. (Sokka tries not to think too hard about the fact that Toph can probably see them with her feet from this distance, anyway.) </p><p>And it might technically be true that Sokka has never had to turn away for a modicum of privacy with Aang before. But Zuko doesn’t need to know that this isn’t how it usually goes.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Zuko’s time with this group - however long it might last - is nothing like life in the tower. </p><p>Of course he knows this, intellectually. He knows that they spend most of their time outside, that Zuko will get to touch the grass whenever he wants, will get to explore rivers and woods and rocky mountainsides. And he knows that they don’t have a problem with Zuko firebending, which is somehow just as freeing as being outside the tower. They’ll let Zuko practice - they’ll even encourage it. </p><p>Zuko knows all of these things when he climbs onto Appa to leave the tower. But there are also things that he doesn’t know.</p><p>Zuko doesn’t know the ins and outs of the ongoing war until Aang tries to explain them, and even then, Zuko itches for a book with better answers. Zuko has to learn that there are different expectations of him here, expectations that seem to come out of nowhere - like how Sokka gets weird about Zuko removing his clothing mid-conversation when they’re preparing to bathe, even though the outcome is definitely supposed to be that they end up naked in the river. And like how the whole group seem to think that he’s in dire need of shoes as soon as possible, even though Toph doesn't have to wear them because they muffle her 'sight'.</p><p>While everything is new, there are three specific things that Zuko learns on that first full day together which make him feel more than a little off-balance.</p><p>The first is that they don’t always share. </p><p>In the tower, the only objects that were distinctly Zuko’s or Mother’s were things that had to be that way for cleanliness. Everything else was just… theirs. Yes, Zuko read the books more, and Mother made the tea, but that wasn’t because the books were Zuko’s and the tea was Mother’s. There was no barrier to Mother reading or Zuko making tea. And why would there be? The idea seems messy and complicated to Zuko.</p><p>But when they change into fresh clothing and go back to Appa, hanging their wet clothes over branches, Zuko spots a hairbrush. He has his hair-tie in one hand when he sees it, and then he walks over to pick it up, and: “Oh, that’s Katara’s,” Aang says. His voice is warm, but his words give Zuko pause. “I think she’s not around to ask right now, but Sokka has a comb - you can ask to borrow his.”</p><p>Aang smiles, and Zuko smiles back automatically because he thinks he’s supposed to. But he’s also confused. </p><p>Zuko glances around, spotting the bags next to Appa, and his perspective shifts. </p><p>Things belong to people. Every item has to be somehow mentally categorised. Which sounds exhausting, and Zuko is suddenly very aware that he has no idea how the world works. </p><p>Zuko has things from the tower - clothing, scrolls, some ink. So that means that nobody can use them without asking him? What if they need to write a letter and Zuko isn’t there to ask? What if someone’s cold at night and they want to use one of Zuko’s tunics to keep warm - do they have to wake him up for it? Or are they supposed to just stay cold?</p><p>Zuko’s arms come up around himself. </p><p>His eyes narrow.</p><p>If everything belongs to someone, then what does it mean that they’re sharing food with Zuko? Zuko frowns, and it pulls uncomfortably at his wound. Some of the food had come from bags, but last night, Sokka had hunted and Katara had cooked. So maybe the food was theirs, but they shared it because everyone needed to eat. That makes sense, but...</p><p>Zuko feels a chill on his damp skin as he wonders: does the food go away if they’re angry? </p><p>“Here,” Sokka’s voice calls, breaking through Zuko’s thoughts. “You wanted a comb?”</p><p>Zuko nods and takes Sokka’s comb to brush his hair. </p><p>That’s the first of the uncomfortable realisations about how life works with his new friends. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>A long time ago, Azula had a brother.</p><p>Azula doesn’t actually remember him all that well. She was barely six years old when he was murdered by Earth Kingdom assassins, along with their mother. She remembers following Zuzu around, and the two of them following Lu Ten. She remembers laughing a lot, and that they would climb together, and that Father never paid Zuzu much attention because he wasn’t a bender. </p><p>Zuko had never even seemed jealous of Azula’s bending, even though it meant that she was the favourite child in every way that mattered. It was like Zuko understood that there was no competition, so he didn’t even bother to try. </p><p>But Azula remembers being jealous of Zuko’s eyes. </p><p>Zuko’s eyes were bright and gold. They were brighter even than Father’s or Grandfather’s eyes. Azula remembers finding it strange, when she was young; gold eyes were meant to be a sign of inner fire, but Zuzu had no spark. They should have been <em> Azula’s </em>eyes, but Azula was stuck with Mother’s boring amber colour instead. </p><p>Once Zuko is long gone, Azula’s envy melts away, and she’s left with a deliberate detachment when she thinks about Zuko’s eyes, and his laughter, and how much he adored her. His memory, like their mother’s, only serves to underscore the importance of winning this war and crushing the Earth Kingdom beneath their feet. But though Azula sees many golden eyes in her life and her journeys, she never sees any as bright as Zuko’s; somewhere in the shadows of her mind, she holds this close as an eternal fact about the long dead Prince Zuko.</p><p>Until Azula chases the Avatar, and meets his firebending master: a boy with her father’s jawline and her dead brother’s bright, bright eyes. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Zuko’s second realisation comes later in the day, when they wander into a town. Aang and Toph have stayed behind to practice Aang’s earthbending, so it’s only Zuko and the Water Tribe siblings in the town. Katara is trying to explain how trade works, and Zuko is nodding as he realises that this is the bigger version of Katara owning her hairbrush. If you want something from someone else, you have to give them something useful. </p><p>They’re looking for a bedroll and some shoes for Zuko, even though Zuko doesn’t really want shoes. Zuko isn’t sure what he’s supposed to offer in return. Katara is holding a coin purse, implying that she’s going to do the payment with the coins, but then Zuko is going to need to give Katara something for the coins. It’s all kind of absurd and confusing, but the anxious gnawing in Zuko’s stomach settles when he realises that he can give Katara some of his waterbending scrolls. </p><p>Happier with this conclusion, Zuko follows Katara and Sokka into the town. He tries on shoes, and when Katara is paying and Sokka is eyeing clothing across the room, Zuko wanders outside and sits down. The ground is a little hard on Zuko’s feet; they’re probably right about the necessity of shoes. </p><p>When he’s down there, Zuko rifles through the bag he’s been carrying. It had Katara’s coin purse until she’d asked to hold it, and Sokka put some snacks in here, and Zuko added ink and parchment because he wanted to draw something. Now seems as good a time as any. </p><p>Normally, Zuko would draw what’s in front of him, but all the detail of the world is a little dizzying. So instead, Zuko starts with the broad strokes of something that won’t leave the back corners of his mind. </p><p>Minutes later, when Zuko is working on Princess Azula’s eyes, a throat clears behind him. Zuko looks up, half-expecting Katara and Sokka to have returned, and finds himself being loomed over by two strangers. </p><p>“Hi,” Zuko says, wondering if he’s supposed to stand.</p><p>The woman is peering over Zuko’s shoulder. “That’s rather good,” she says. “We were just watching.” </p><p>“Oh,” Zuko says, and then shakes his head. “Sorry? I didn’t notice you.” </p><p>“Maybe you could draw us!” the man suggests, grinning widely. And Zuko doesn’t see a reason to say no - it’s his ink and parchment, after all - so he gets out a fresh piece of parchment and starts working.</p><p>It’s a pretty rough picture, but the pair are nice to draw. They stay still, having chosen a pose that’s kind of fun to draw, with the man leaning his forearm on the woman’s shoulder. He tries to capture the exasperated smile on her face and the broad grin on his, the way that they seem lighthearted and playful. And their clothes are a little complicated, with ruffles in weird places, but Zuko only needs to draw what he sees. So he does, eyebrows drawing in, hand moving swiftly as he tries to capture them both as well as he can.</p><p>Zuko wishes that he had charcoal, or even paint, but he makes the simple ink drawing work. There are a few splatters where he can’t quite control the ink, but ultimately, it looks playful. </p><p>Eventually, Zuko sits back and waves the pair over. </p><p>“I think this is done,” he suggests. “Did you want to keep it?”</p><p>The woman is delighted, and Zuko has to stop her from immediately smudging his work. </p><p>“This is so much fun,” she says. “We’re putting it on the wall!” </p><p>It’s silly, and not worth putting on the wall, but Zuko thinks that she can do what she wants with it. He smiles, pleased to have made them happy, and then the woman elbows the man.</p><p>“Pay the kid,” she says under her breath.</p><p>“Oh,” Zuko says, surprised. “You don’t need to do that.”</p><p>The man laughs. “You starving artist types,” he comments, and then counts out some coins and hands them over. </p><p>Zuko is confused when they leave, and he has multiple coins in his hand, but he doesn’t really understand what the coins mean.</p><p>Katara and Sokka approach him then, and Zuko realises that they’ve been standing to one side for a while now. </p><p>“You didn’t tell us you draw,” Sokka says, beaming at Zuko. “I draw, too!”</p><p>Katara chuckles behind her hand. “Nobody’s ever going to pay you for drawing them though, Sokka,” she retorts, and Sokka pouts at her. “How much did they give you?”</p><p>Zuko shrugs and hands over the coins. Katara looks down into her palm with wide eyes. </p><p>“Uh, Zuko, that’s kind of a lot of money,” Katara explains. </p><p>“It’s five coins,” Zuko replies. “You paid six for my shoes. So I still owe you a coin, right?”</p><p>Katara closes her eyes very slowly, and her expression is new and unreadable to Zuko, so he looks up at Sokka instead. Sokka seems to be hiding a smile behind his hand, but when Zuko meets his eyes, he clears his throat and says: “Well, you see, different coins mean different amounts? We paid six coins for your shoes, but they weren’t worth as much as the five coins that those people gave you.”</p><p>Zuko nods, and thinks that he follows. “Okay.” </p><p>“Okay,” Katara repeats, and when Zuko looks up, her eyes are sparkling in what might be amusement. </p><p>Zuko smiles at her, thinking that he’s done something good - found a way to fit into this weird system in which people own things - when Sokka notices the other piece of parchment.</p><p>“Hey, what’s--” Sokka starts, kneeling down beside Zuko to look. “Oh.”</p><p>Zuko’s ink drawing of Princess Azula isn’t finished. Actually, Zuko thinks that he needs colours to finish it - he wants to wash Azula’s face in blue on one side, from her fire, and red on the other from Zuko’s. He also needs to work on shadowing a little. But he thinks that he’s captured the features of her face, the shape of her brow, her surprised expression when their eyes met. It’s not Zuko’s best work, but it’s okay.</p><p>Sokka does not look like he thinks it’s okay.</p><p>“Why are you drawing Azula?” he asks, voice somehow both hesitant and firm. </p><p>Zuko looks from Sokka to Katara, trying to figure out what’s happening. She looks unhappy, too. They were happy when he worked on that piece for the couple, but they’re not happy about this. Because the couple were strangers and they don’t like Azula, Zuko assumes. </p><p>“I told you, she looks familiar,” Zuko replies, defensive. “I was just trying to work it out.”</p><p>They accept this, but the jovial mood from before doesn’t return. Zuko tries to untangle this while they’re wrapping up their shopping trip, with Zuko’s feet now encased in shoes that belong to him because he paid Katara back. But it’s a lot of information, constantly, and Zuko doesn’t know how to make sense of it all. He feels like ‘people own things’ was a big enough realisation to last him a week; he isn’t ready to try to unpick the thing about Azula, too. </p><p>Much later, when Zuko tries to find somewhere to hide the drawing, something clicks over in the back of his mind. He knows why Azula looks so familiar, even though they’ve never met. She looks like Mother.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Azula resolutely does not panic. She barely allows herself to react at all. These are simply puzzle pieces to fit together: a boy with her brother’s eyes and her brother’s name. A firebender, which her brother was not. Alive, which her brother is not; Azula recalls the funeral with the kind of clarity that is rare in memories of being six years old. </p><p>The only logical conclusion is that this is a hoax. But the fake Zuko hasn’t attempted to press any advantage yet, and Azula hardly wants to tell the Fire Lord that she suspects that a hoax is on the horizon because the boy’s eyes remind her of Prince Zuko’s. </p><p>She almost - <em> almost </em>- wishes that the stupid old man had joined her after all. It has been rare, in the recent weeks of her travels, that Azula has missed Uncle Iroh. Azula is glad that he was told to remain behind aside from his own asinine political trips, partly because it is logical (there are so few heirs to the throne, since assassins took Prince Zuko and war took Prince Lu Ten), and partly because Azula has no intention of sharing any glory with the Dragon of the West. </p><p>That being said, Uncle Iroh is the least suspicious ally that Azula has, with the rare exceptions of Mai and Ty Lee. But while Mai and Ty Lee are certainly less annoying, and would never dare corner Azula with meaningless proverbs and cups of tea and ridiculous games of Pai Sho, they also lack the life experience and familial connection with Zuko for Azula to disclose this information. Had Uncle Iroh been on her ship, Azula would have invited him to tea and shared some small detail of her concern. And while Azula does accept regular correspondence from Uncle Iroh, she knows that she must be careful to avoid putting anything into writing that might come back to haunt her. </p><p>Eventually, after many long moments of glaring at parchment, Azula pens a letter. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The third realisation is that there <em> is </em> something the others want from Zuko, some reason that they want to keep him around. </p><p>It’s late into the afternoon, and Zuko has been enjoying that he can spend all day in the sunlight, should he choose to. In the tower, there had only been certain times of the day that Zuko could sit in the window with his face tilted toward the sun. Now, there are so many hours of sunlight on his skin. And he realises, late into the day, that it has invigorated his inner flame. </p><p>So while the Avatar is practicing waterbending, Zuko takes himself to a patch of grass (grass!) that is bare to the sky, and he walks himself through his self-invented katas. </p><p>Some of Zuko’s practice comes from what feels natural. A punch here, a kick, a spin - onto his hands, like in the book about the circus performers, fire bursting from his feet in an arc. Some comes from his scrolls, because fire can flow like water, can be rooted like earth, can be spun like air. And it’s incredible, being in direct sunlight while practicing. His flame has never been stronger. It comes out a deep red now, not a hint of the oranges and yellows of the tower. </p><p>“Oh, cool!” Aang says, jogging over from where Katara is standing with her arms crossed. “Can you show me that move? It looks like something I know from the monks!”</p><p>“Yeah, sure,” Zuko replies. “I was inspired by airbending for this. It’s like…” </p><p>And for a while, Zuko forgets himself. </p><p>Up until Aang’s fire comes out hot and strong, and Aang immediately clams up in response. In his next attempt, no flame appears at all. </p><p>“Sorry, Sifu Zuko,” Aang says. His brows draw in, and so do his shoulders. </p><p>“What happened?” Zuko asks, confused. </p><p>Aang rubs the back of his bald head. “I hurt Katara once, when I was trying to firebend,” he admits. “I haven’t actually tried again since, but you made it look like airbending. But it doesn’t <em> feel </em> like airbending. And I could really hurt someone.”</p><p>“Oh,” Zuko replies, and looks down at his own hands. Zuko has never had the opportunity to hurt anyone but himself with his bending. Even though he’d fought Azula last night - Azula, whose features remind him painfully of his Mother - Zuko is sure that he had no real opportunity to hurt her. And maybe there had once been the possibility of accidentally hurting Mother, but the only firebending he’s ever performed around her has been carefully controlled punishment or small bursts of frustrated fire-breathing. </p><p>A wave of guilt flows through Zuko when he thinks about Mother. He wonders how she is doing today. He hopes she isn’t still on the stone floor of the tower, waiting for Zuko to come home, in some sick reversal of their previous positions. </p><p>“I know I need to learn,” Aang continues. Zuko looks back at Aang to find that he isn’t meeting Zuko's eyes. “I do know that. But how do you trust that you can control it?”</p><p>Zuko shrugs, but Aang isn’t looking at him, so he clarifies: “Oh, well, I don’t know that. That’s why you need a master.”</p><p>Aang looks up now and blinks. “But-- I know you said you’re not a master, but you obviously know what you’re doing. You did all that cool stuff! Can’t you teach me?”</p><p>Zuko hesitates, a <em> no </em> on the tip of his tongue, and everything falls into place. They want him around so that he can teach Aang firebending, to help them win their war. That’s the trade-off. But Zuko doesn’t really know anything, and even if he did, Aang needs to be taught by someone who can calm his nerves. </p><p>Zuko swallows past his own nerves. The truth is that Zuko isn’t sure that he wants to stay with these kids and participate in a war he doesn’t understand, but Zuko also doesn’t want to be alone in a <em> world </em> he doesn’t understand.</p><p>(For a moment - barely a second - Zuko wonders if he should ask them to take him back to the tower.)</p><p>“I can’t teach you firebending,” he says. He’s damned either way; he might as well go for honesty. “I don’t know any firebending moves - I made these all up by myself; they’re not real. And even if you do want to learn them, I don’t know enough about how firebending works to explain it to you.”</p><p>Aang blinks at him. “You made <em> all </em> of it up yourself?” he asks.</p><p>“Yeah,” Zuko replies. “So I can’t be your teacher.”</p><p>Zuko thinks about the town they had been in today. Maybe the group will let him keep the bedroll, since Zuko earned those coins, and maybe Zuko can draw people for more coins. Though he would then need to use the coins to buy more ink and parchment, and it seems overwhelmingly complicated, and also overwhelmingly lonely. </p><p>But Aang just smiles. “That’s okay,” he says, like it doesn’t mean anything at all. “Do you want to come find some berries with me for after dinner? Katara’s always worried I’m going to poison us, but I know <em> all </em>the good berries!” </p><p>Zuko blinks as Aang wanders toward the bushes. Zuko isn’t sure what to do with the third realisation. Aang seems to be okay with Zuko staying even if he isn’t Aang’s firebending master. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“The Avatar has found a firebending master,” Azula announces to Mai and Ty Lee. </p><p>“Uh oh,” Mai says drily. “They’re finally a matched set.”</p><p>“So we’re going to have to take them down before the Avatar reaches full strength,” Azula explains.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Zuko and Toph don’t join them in the library, both for reasons that leave Katara a little flustered for not predicting. Toph isn’t interested in coming inside to walk around books that she can’t read. Zuko actually seems excited about the prospect of finding the mysterious library, right up until the moment that they’re standing before what’s left of it. Katara tries to encourage him along until she realises that he’s drained of what little colour he usually has. And then Katara looks back to the single spire of the library sticking up from the sand and sees what Zuko sees: a tall tower with a window at the top. </p><p>“Nevermind,” Katara says, correcting herself. “You just keep Toph and Appa company.” </p><p>And so Katara’s attempt at a relaxing vacation day turns into running from a spirit in a library while Sokka tries to learn about an oncoming eclipse. </p><p>And as if that isn’t enough drama, they reemerge from the sinking tower to a cacophony of sound.</p><p>“They’re gone!” Toph is shouting. Katara lands hard and coughs against the sand that’s flown up into her face. “Zuko, stop! They’re gone!” </p><p>Toph pulls back from the library, and it crashes into the sand. </p><p>Zuko is still screaming.</p><p>“Zuko!” Toph shouts, and all but throws herself at him, and that’s when Katara realises that Zuko hasn’t just been screaming. He’s been screaming <em> fire.  </em></p><p>He stops immediately when Toph is attached to him, and Katara’s heart is thudding against her ribs for too many reasons. She pushes herself up. With Zuko quiet and the library swallowed in sand, it’s suddenly strangely still out here in the middle of nowhere. </p><p>“Did we already know that fire screaming was a thing?” Sokka asks, dusting himself off. “Because I feel like I didn’t know that fire screaming was a thing.”</p><p>“Where’s Appa?” Aang asks, frowning as he looks around them. </p><p>Zuko pulls in a loud breath and then breaks into a coughing fit. Toph draws away from him, letting him double over, and points upwards. </p><p>Katara looks up and spots a jittery and slightly singed Appa flying circles in the sky, and then refocuses on Zuko. </p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” Katara asks, readying her waterskin. “Is everyone okay? Toph? Good job holding the library,” she says, maybe feeling a little bad about her attitude when Toph had elected to stay outside. </p><p>Aang waves Appa down. “What happened out here?” he asks. </p><p>“Everything got real complicated, real fast,” Toph explains. “The library was sinking - what did you guys <em> do </em> in there - and these sandbenders turned up to take Appa!” </p><p>Aang gasps. “Appa!” he cries, and throws himself into Appa’s fur for a hug. “You must have been so scared!” </p><p>Toph cracks her knuckles. “Luckily, I was here to hold up an entire library, and Shackles was here to scream fire at everyone. Though I think Appa didn’t like the kidnapping attempt <em> or </em> the fire screaming.”</p><p>“How’d Appa get burned?” Aang asks, touching the blackened patches of fur. </p><p>Zuko winces. “I’m sorry. There were ropes, I was trying to free him,” he explains, and then coughs again. His voice sounds even raspier than usual.</p><p>“It’s okay - isn’t it, Appa? He’s not actually burned, it’s just a bit of his fur.”</p><p>“Can I see if your throat is okay?” Katara asks, drawing water out of her waterskin. </p><p>“My throat is fine,” Zuko responds. Katara frowns at him. “Really, it’s fine. I just need to…”</p><p>Zuko sways a little and blinks hard.</p><p>“... Rest?” Katara finishes for him, her water still suspended beside her.</p><p>“Hey bud, you okay?” Sokka asks, approaching Zuko and eyeing him warily. “You want to sit down?” </p><p>Zuko blinks hard again, and he lifts a hand to his right temple. “I feel a little,” he says. </p><p>And then he goes down hard. </p><p>“Whoa!” Sokka says, diving down next to him. “Zuko? Zuko?” he shakes Zuko’s shoulder, and then looks up at Katara with wide eyes. </p><p>Katara pulls her water along with her, and sits on the sand by Zuko’s side.</p><p>“This has gone on too long,” she declares, scowling, and sets to work healing him. </p><p>This might be a mistake, but Katara has officially had enough. Clearly, this is a mistake that needs to be made.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Toph keeps one hand on Zuko’s ankle. </p><p>Toph doesn’t like flying on Appa. She appreciates Appa as a friend, even though his shedding season almost cost them their lives, and she appreciates him as a source of transport. But <em> boy </em> does she hate flying. She can’t feel anything at all up here. Appa is too fuzzy to feel much through, and though Toph can count the people on the saddle just by sitting on it, she can’t feel the ground and so she can’t feel <em> them </em> properly. </p><p>But with one hand on Zuko’s ankle, Toph can tell that he’s breathing and his heart is beating, and she can feel when he wakes up. His heart beats a little faster, but he stays very still for a few moments into waking, while Sokka explains the best route to Ba Sing Se. </p><p>This means that Toph also feels the exact moment in which Zuko tenses up, muscles seizing, before he tears his ankle away from her hand.</p><p>“Why do I feel…?” Zuko asks, shifting to sit up, and then everyone else falls silent as they wait for the coin to drop. Toph feels a shift, and though she can’t feel enough to know what Zuko is doing, she suspects that he’s touching the scar on his face. A scar now, not a wound. “You healed me.”</p><p>“You passed out,” Katara snaps. </p><p>“And that gave you the right to heal me?” Zuko asks, his voice carrying a little louder. </p><p>Katara huffs an unimpressed breath. “You passed out because you weren’t <em> well </em> , Zuko, because that wound on your face was getting infected and you haven’t been sleeping. You might have lost your eye if I didn’t intervene. So you’re <em> welcome, </em>actually!”</p><p>“Katara,” Aang says quietly from the front of the saddle. </p><p>Nobody says anything for a long moment. Toph wishes they were on the ground, so that she could catalogue movements and heartbeats, because it’s not exactly easy to read silence.</p><p>Eventually, Sokka gently clears his throat. “We’re sorry, Zuko,” he says. His voice is soft and understanding, and Toph thinks she’d hate it if Sokka spoke to her that way. “We didn’t mean to upset you, but we were worried.”</p><p>“Please land the bison,” Zuko requests, voice strained like he’s trying to hold himself back from screaming fire again. </p><p>“We’re going to Ba Sing Se,” Sokka explains. “We found some information in the library that’ll help us with fighting the Fire Nation. If you want to--”</p><p>“Land the bison!” Zuko snaps, and he is shouting now. “I don’t care where you’re going - I’m not going <em> with </em>you - land the… or at least fly low, I can jump--”</p><p>“You’re not jumping,” Sokka interrupts. “Nobody’s jumping. Okay. Let’s land, okay, Aang?” </p><p>An awkward quiet falls around them, though Momo doesn’t seem to get the message; he flies around and chatters, as if asking what’s wrong.</p><p>Zuko launches himself from Appa the moment that he lands, and Toph jumps down after him to follow.</p><p>“Don’t follow me,” Zuko snaps back at her.</p><p>Toph follows anyway. “Hey, I didn’t have anything to do with the heal-him-in-his-sleep thing. No healing powers here,” she reminds him, lifting up her hands and shaking her fingers around. “I’m more the ‘break it’ type than the ‘fix it’ type.”</p><p>Zuko keeps walking, and Toph keeps following. Now that Toph’s feet are on the beautiful, beautiful earth, she can feel that the others have stayed near Appa. Zuko doesn’t seem to be heading toward anything in particular. Toph supposes he’s just trying to leave them behind.</p><p>“So where are you going, Shackles?”</p><p>Zuko spins around, and it’s sudden enough that Toph almost walks into him. </p><p>“Don’t <em> call </em> me that,” he snaps. “It’s not funny.”</p><p>Toph tilts her head. “I know it’s not funny,” she admits. When Zuko doesn’t respond, just stands in front of her, sipping too-light breaths like he might be on the verge of panic, Toph adds: “Sure, I won’t call you that anymore. You only had to ask.”</p><p>Zuko stands very still for a moment, and then nods and turns to keep walking.</p><p>“So where are we going, Sparky?”</p><p>“Spark-- Okay,” Zuko says, “whatever. I don’t know where I’m going. You’re not coming with me.”</p><p>“Love the not-plan. Did I tell you I ran off once, too? Also because of Katara. So I definitely understand.” </p><p>Zuko stops again, and heaves a deeper breath. That’s good, Toph thinks; his lungs definitely need more air than he’s been giving them. “You don’t understand.”</p><p>“Uh, yeah, I do,” Toph states. “Sweetness is overbearing and wants to be everyone’s mother. But for those of us who just escaped our actual mothers--”</p><p>Zuko physically winces away from her. </p><p>“Look,” he says, quiet and angry. “I know you have these stories of your parents being <em> overbearing, </em>but it’s not the same and you don’t understand.” </p><p>Toph frowns, maybe a little stung, and responds: “Yeah, yeah, I get it. Nobody shackled me to a wall and made me burn my own face.” </p><p>Zuko doesn’t wince again, but he draws further away shakily, like a wince in slow motion. He doesn’t say anything in response, even when Toph waits an uncomfortable amount of time. But at least he isn’t fleeing anymore. </p><p>There’s a tree by the side of the path. Toph wanders over and sits under it, shading herself from the sun, and stretches as she waits for Zuko to join her.</p><p>He doesn’t. He just stands there on the rocky path, breathing not-quite-enough, tense beyond reason for what actually happened.</p><p>“Hey,” Toph says, a little louder so that he can hear her. “Thanks for today. For saving Appa.” Zuko licks his lips and crosses his arms, but otherwise, doesn’t respond. “Do you maybe want to tell me why you’re freaked out by Katara?” </p><p>“I’m not freaked out,” Zuko snaps, clearly freaked out. Toph raises an eyebrow. “I’m leaving. You don’t have to care about this anymore.” </p><p>Toph snorts, tilting her head back to lean it against the tree. She keeps one hand on the ground next to her, just in case Zuko’s habit of not breathing enough catches up with him and she needs to intervene. </p><p>“You’re not leaving,” she insists. </p><p>Zuko somehow manages to tense even more. “You can’t keep me here,” he states. Toph tilts her head again. There’s a little up-turn at the end of Zuko’s sentence, like it wants to be a question instead of a statement. </p><p>“Nobody’s going to force you to do anything,” Toph says, “but where else would you go?”</p><p>Zuko starts to say something, but hesitates. “I don’t know,” he admits. “I’ll find somewhere. Or I’ll go home.”</p><p>Toph goes cold all over. “What?” </p><p>“I don’t know,” Zuko repeats.</p><p>“No, that’s <em> not </em> what you said. You said you might go <em>home.” </em></p><p>Toph grasps at the ground below her, and she feels her own heartbeat increasing alongside Zuko’s.</p><p>“So what?” Zuko asks. “That would be my decision to make.” </p><p>Now <em> Toph </em> wants to scream fire. She thinks about the awful tower and the awful shackles, and Zuko’s mother holding a blade to his throat. </p><p>“Fine!” she bursts, propelling herself to her feet. “Go home. See if I care!” </p><p>The ground shakes below her as she storms off.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Zuko isn’t sure whether he should keep walking. He doesn’t even know what direction he’s going, after all. But when Toph leaves, some of the anger seeps out of him, and he’s left feeling tired and lonely and confused.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Zuko turns his head, and sees Aang behind him, twisting his fingers together awkwardly. Momo is perched on Aang’s shoulder, eyes wide and head tilted as he and Aang watch Zuko.</p><p>“Hey,” Zuko replies. </p><p>Aang smiles, and then comes to stand nearer to him. He pulls Momo from his shoulder and holds him out. Momo’s head tilts further, and he chatters confusedly. </p><p>“Uh,” Aang says, and then shakes Momo a little. “I don’t know what she meant, exactly? But Toph said I should throw Momo at you.”</p><p>“Don’t throw the lemur,” Zuko requests, but then he holds a hand out. Momo perks up and flies from Aang’s grasp to Zuko. He doesn’t stop at Zuko’s hand; instead, he scrambles up Zuko’s arm to his shoulder, and then winds himself around Zuko’s neck. Momo’s head fits below his jaw, and Zuko lets out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. </p><p>Maybe Toph had a point about Momo.</p><p>Zuko looks back to Aang, who’s twisting his fingers again. “Toph said you’re… thinking of…”</p><p>“I’m not going home,” Zuko says, and he doesn’t realise that he means it until he’s already saying it. “I know that isn’t an option I would survive.”</p><p>Aang winces, but then he smiles. “Well, I’m glad you’re not going back to the tower. But you’re pretty mad at us, huh?”</p><p>Zuko presses a hand to his forehead. Momo makes a displeased sound, so he moves his hand to pet Momo’s head instead.</p><p>He’s mad, but he doesn’t have the energy for demanding and shouting anymore. </p><p>“Yeah,” he admits. “It’s okay. It doesn’t matter.”</p><p>“Um.” Aang is frowning. It doesn’t sit well on his face. “I think it kind of does matter? Especially if you’re not coming with us to Ba Sing Se because of it.” He looks hesitant as he adds: “You know Katara didn’t think she had another choice.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to look after me,” Zuko states. </p><p>Aang looks at Zuko for a long minute, eyes narrowed like Zuko is a puzzle he’s trying to work out. </p><p>Momo is a warm weight around Zuko’s neck. Something about his presence allows Zuko to relax a little, and it’s only then that he realises how tightly he’s been coiled. His muscles ache from tension. </p><p>Zuko misses Miso. </p><p>“You saved Appa,” Aang says, the words coming out slowly, like he’s still thinking hard. “You looked after Appa and Toph. Didn’t you?”</p><p>Zuko frowns. “Toph was busy holding the library up, and she couldn’t ‘see’ because of the sand,” he responds. </p><p>“Exactly!” Aang says. “So she and Appa needed your help. And you helped them.”</p><p>Zuko goes to say <em> Toph doesn’t need me to look after her, </em>but he follows Aang’s point: if Zuko hadn’t fought, something awful could have happened. Toph couldn’t do everything by herself. </p><p>But it’s not the same.</p><p>“It’s not… I know that people can’t always do everything by themselves,” Zuko replies, thinking about how he’s been relying on Katara to explain how purchasing works. “It’s not that.”</p><p>Aang shrugs. “Okay, so what is it?” He walks a little closer, and Zuko holds himself still, even when his instincts tell him to back away. “We don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, you know. But it’s hard to know what the problem is if you don’t tell us.”</p><p>And for a moment, Zuko flounders. He knows that the analogy doesn’t work, that Katara healing him against his wishes is fundamentally different to Zuko saving Appa from kidnappers, but it trips up in his mind and he thinks: well, I really <em> didn’t </em>want to leave an open wound on my face, did I? </p><p>Something shifts, and Zuko finds himself looking at this issue from afar. It has been a few days now. Zuko has been on edge, learning new things constantly, and allowing his face to ache fiercely. Zuko knows what happens to open wounds that are left uncleaned, but he hasn’t been able to bring himself to do anything about it. </p><p>And then he thinks about Mother, time and time again, helping him to recover from-- </p><p>“Oh,” Zuko says, nausea settling in his gut as he recognises: “This wasn’t about Katara.” </p><p>Aang doesn’t look any more enlightened. “Okay?” </p><p>How does Mother still have this power over Zuko, even when he’s left her behind? (Left her behind, crumpled and crying on the floor of the tower. He just <em> left </em> her.) How is it that Zuko is shying away from healing the same way that he would shy away from pain? </p><p>“I think,” Zuko says very carefully, “I might be a bit messed up.” </p><p>Aang smiles. “Well,” he replies, “I think we all are?”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sokka is starting to get fidgety by the time Zuko and Aang return. Katara’s arms are crossed, and her lip is jutting out the way that it has since she was a grumpy toddler. This expression kind of always makes Sokka want to laugh, even when he’s trying to take her seriously - but it’s made worse by the equally grumpy look on Toph’s face. </p><p>“Katara,” Sokka says quietly as Aang and Zuko walk into the clearing. Zuko’s head is ducked a little, and Momo is wrapped around his neck like an adorable scarf. It makes Sokka’s heart squeeze just a little bit. “What did we agree you were going to say?”</p><p>Katara takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders, but Zuko beats her to it:</p><p>“I apologise,” Zuko says, a little stiff and formal. “It was wrong of me to raise my voice. And I know I put you in a bad position with refusing to be healed - I apologise for that, too. I must have caused you stress.” </p><p>Sokka smiles, and turns to Katara. “Well?” he asks, quietly. </p><p>Katara glares for a moment, and then sighs and stands up. “I’m sorry too,” she says. “I just didn’t know what to do. And I still don’t know what I <em> should </em>have done, but… I was scared.”</p><p>“It was my fault,” Zuko allows graciously, but Katara shakes her head.</p><p>“It was just as much mine,” she says, and then something interesting happens on Zuko’s face. He frowns at Katara and tilts his head, like he can’t figure out why she’s apologising to him. “Zuko?”</p><p>“Huh,” Zuko says, puzzled, and then walks to Katara with his arms open.</p><p>“Oh!” Katara says when Zuko hugs her, which almost makes him pull back. “No, sorry, it’s fine,” she corrects, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “This is nice.”</p><p>They stand there for what is, in Sokka’s objective assessment, way too long. Finally, Zuko pulls out of the hug and offers Katara a smile, and then turns to Toph.</p><p>“Toph, I’m sorry I yelled at you, too,” he says, and then frowns. “But I would still prefer if you don’t call me Shackles.”</p><p>“We're cool, Sparky,” Toph replies, and then she too is being pulled into a too-long hug. “Um. Okay.”</p><p>When Zuko and Aang go off to look for berries - and probably to get distracted on the way - Sokka turns to the others and says: “Please nobody ever tell him that’s not how people normally accept apologies.”</p><p>“Sokka!” Katara exclaims, clearly trying to withhold her laughter. “That’s mean!” </p><p>“We would be doing the world a disservice,” Sokka insists. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Aang trains through to the evening, while Sokka pours over maps and makes plans for using the information they gained at the spirit library. </p><p>Zuko finally curls up and falls asleep on the ground. This is great news, as Sokka can stop having a heart attack every time he imagines Zuko falling out of a tree in his sleep. It’s also adorable, because Zuko sleeps curled up tight, so close to where Sokka is working that Sokka could reach out and touch him. Sokka just barely restrains himself. He isn’t sure how anyone could possibly not be enamoured by this guy. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next day, Zuko manages to turn an entire town against them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter: spider hyenas, NOT hyena spiders (very important distinction).</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I made a tumblr! I have no idea how it works. Come yell at me about things: https://a-witch-in-endor.tumblr.com/</p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052003">The World, So Close [Art]</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorInDistress/pseuds/AuthorInDistress">AuthorInDistress</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
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